Letter to Lady (Dreams series con’t)


Dream Lady,

I don’t know what I’m gonna do about you.
There’s no future in it, other than us being friends. I guess I could say that one more friend in my life is a bonus.
You can never have enough friends.

But when do I stop thinking, dreaming… about you all the time?
When do I quit thinking of you in a way that confuses me?
Loving you and not knowing why…? Scared, excited love.
When do I stop thinking about you…when can I make decisions about how to sleep…relaxing, knowing…hoping…needing that you might come to me in my dreams?
When do I start to realize that I am not a man in your life…maybe I am…in “your life”…your universe…your reality…your dream.

I am a friend?
Why do I get hurt when I awaken? How can I cry pain and smile joy at the same time?
Why do I get angry knowing that you are going away? To your life and I stay behind alone in mine?
You know why? Because I am not man enough to say what needs to be said. I am afraid that if I say these things I will lose you or lose what I now have. I am a man, and you have showed me time, interest and concern.

All in a dream.
Where I’ve hardly heard your voice.
But we passed each other last night in “our” dream….we brushed shoulders on a sidewalk…somewhere in Remville.
When I turned to look after catching a glimpse of your hair
…catching my breath…

You saw me just as I saw you. Your eyes flashed…
You tried to shout something before the crowd converged… Then like a blanket being thrown in the air to settle slowly…covering everything…even your voice….and I was back.
Back In the awake place.
God…I’m starting to hate it here.

My ache…my loneliness for my dream lady clouds my judgment.
Not forever I swear.
1. I have no idea why you are even coming to my dreams. Our Dream.
2. I have no idea what you see in me or see from me.
3. I have no idea why you try and keep me there. In our dream.

Is it because I am not really here…or there?
Is it because you like things a little dangerous in your dreams?
Is it because you have a thing for fat, old guys?
Enlighten me!

What do I have to offer that others can’t? In our dream.
Am I a distraction from “your” normal life?
But what do I do now? Now that I need you.
There are only a few times…golden…soft times…like snow, when a person finds happiness in this life. And being with you makes me happy…in whatever realm you choose.
I know it’s you doing all this Dream Lady.
I think you need “me” too.
I miss your company. You don’t seem nervous around me…only anxious… and we like to…just be close to each other.
But do I sacrifice myself or my sanity in hopes I get to see you for an hour or so…in a dream?

You know what?
Here’s what I’m gonna do…I’m going to bitch for a second……
I’m tired of feeling like a fuckin’ school boy with a crush!
Am I living in a fantasy?
What’s the right thing to do by you?

I will be here for you regardless, but to what extent will you have me?
I would not be raving like this if I wasn’t confused. Desperate for sleep.
I’m just lonely I guess. You showed me your soul…without a word.
Do I let my loneliness cloud my judgment?
Yes I will…Gladly.

Even as I write this I am editing it because I don’t want to say the wrong thing or upset you….in case we actually get to speak next time. Not just sit on our dream couch and be sad.
Knowing I could disappear at any second…
Damn you Puppet Master!
Damn you…

I used to fear what would happen if I fell in love with you? Hell, I am…it is too late to wonder.
Is it an unrequited love. Is it..? Your dream eyes show love…future.
Everyone has seen love. And once seen…is never forgotten.
It’s as seeing a rose only once in your life. Always remembering it. Knowing how it smells without one being there.
It is the texture, smell, aura…fabric of love.

Am I creepy Dream Lady?
So many questions?
I think too much…dare to dream?
Do I love you? Maybe…I think it’s more than love…
So, in ending this tirade of madness, what is my conclusion….?

See me when you can. Dream me if you will. I am helpless where you are concerned. You make me want to dream…
But, it’s nice to feel again.
“ Your dreams or mine?” My new pick-up line for the next time I see you.
Thank you for that.
Thanks for bumping into me on the sidewalk in Remville.
We only passed, but we saw. We knew.
Next time we will talk.
My dream goes on…
Bye sweet lady

With Hope and Love,

This one is from me……….

To Lady…….
Without her
The world around me changes
The trees are bare
And everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
Without me
Her world will go on turning
A world that’s full of happiness
That I have never known
You see her, but you can’t touch her.
You hear her, but you can’t find her.
You want her, but you will lose her.
When you awaken.
The sunrises and she fades.
I dread…
My precious friend…I value that
There’s nothing you need do.
It’s my heart that’s lying
As a friend I need to tell you
What is in my heart.
An unsaid truth is like a wall,
Not high, but keeping us apart
My love for you will go nowhere
To quietly remain with me?
I’ll hold it in my empty arms
And feel it constantly.

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