When I become Supreme Leader of the World you’ll never have to see stupid stuff again
1) “Step back…step back, make room…there’s nothing to see here!”
2) Can I get an Amen…? What the hell?! You GOT to know the guy realized this when he put it together!
And he wants to tell you about Jesus??!!
3) Now…this is impressive! I don’t think it’s true though.
Addendums from His Supreme Lordliness: That’s gonna be me
1) If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
A) See…? Now this is just mean and inconsiderate. When I rule the world, deaf and blind people will not be charged with any crimes! They will be ground up into a healthy meat paste and served with a nice Chardonnay. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!
2) Whose idea was it to put an “S” in the word “lisp”?
A) I bet Daniel Webster was laughing his ass off when he made this entry into the dictionary. When I rule the world I will not allow such things to happen. All funny looking and funny talking people will have an opportunity to become astronauts and go where no one has ever gone before…say, Jupiter for instance. Space exploration is very important. All Yankees and Canadians will be considered first.
3) If it’s true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
A) When I rule the world I will outlaw philanthropy and charitable foundations. I say, let the rich people keep their money and exploit the masses. I say if the masses don’t want to be exploited, come to me for sustenance. I’ll feed them to the rich people after they get fat.
4) If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A) When I rule the world only cute babies will be allowed to prosper and serve me. All red headed babies, wrinkled babies, naked babies, Yankee babies, Canadian babies and babies that cry when smacked will be shipped to the Vaseline plants and converted to oil.
The parents of said defective babies will be given a lifetime 30% discount on all Vaseline products, and 10% discount on Soylent Green meat paste products.
5) Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
A) When I rule the world there will be no death penalty….for convicted people. I will execute only those who have been charged by here-say. I will save billions of dollars by not sending people thru the judicial system. I mean…no one will blame someone else if they didn’t see them do it in the first place, right?
This will promote trust amongst my peasants.
During my first week as Supreme Ruler of the World I will execute all Lawyers, Evangelists, Politicians, Cricket players, Barney the purple dinosaur that haunts my dreams, all reality TV stars, Product spokespersons, Plastic surgeons, and Blog writers.
*footnote* Blog writers will be spared only if they write about the things that interest me and serve the public need….like MYSELF.
6) Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
A) When I rule the world all marriages will become null and void. I will promote free love and eliminate birth control. I will demand that all people will have as much random sexual encounters as they can muster. All first born children will be presented unto me at their 5th birthday for my elite marching band and standard bearers. All subsequent off-spring will be trained as plumbers. Those that cannot pass the plumbers test will become doctors or surgeons. That’s about the same pay scale.
I believe that I have laid out a brief but easy to follow outline of my platform when my reign as Supreme World Leader begins.
I promise that I will be judiciously fair, loving to my peasants, patient with Yankees and
Canadians, and in general…a swell guy.
I can’t really stick behind the Yankee and Canadian thing though…but, I promise I’ll try.
Your Supreme leader,