5 people died right in front of me. Well, not really died in a technical sense…
They were set free…
I’d like to think that they’ve gone to a better place.
But I didn’t realize until now…that they’ve gone to the BEST place!
You see…I didn’t know until it was too late, that if I stood in one spot too long, the AWESOME dripping off of me could be hazardous to regular people.
In the aftermath of this incident, all I can surmise is that my AWESOMENESS is an odorless, invisible and intoxicating gas.
I was standing there in Roswell, New Mexico at the International UFO Research Center and Museum. (Yes…it does exist) 4 truckers and myself were all just talking , shootin’ the shit, slinging the bull, telling lies and really just being fellow truckers. We had all agreed, via the CB radios in our trucks, that if we were this close to Roswell, the sight of the infamous government conspiracy to deny the existence of a UFO crash in the late 1940’s, that we were damn sure gonna stop by and check it out. That’s one of the perks for the lonely life of a trucker.
Free travel expenses…except for tee-shirts or adult novelties….
We truckers get to see a lot of things that people only get to see on TV or at the movies…read about in magazines…or hear about from the RV people. (Shuddering) One day I will try to write a post about what cool things I have seen out here, and share with y’all. That will be a job. I will do it
for you folks because you deserve a little bit of my AWESOME too.
Anywho…speaking of my AWESOME…
We had been standing outside of the museum, like I said, and having a blast. I was telling a story about something that had happened in Virginia, when one of the truckers quit laughing all of a sudden and started coughing. A couple of the other drivers started clapping him on the back and asking him if he was okay. The driver waved them off, stood up straight, smiled broadly at me and said “So this is what it’s like for you every day?”
I nodded at him, not unkindly “Every minute of everyday” I said, a tear glistening in the corner of my eye.
I remembered what it had been like for me when I had first realized how AWESOME I was.
I think I was 3 months old…
Anyway…He knew now…what it’s like for me…
The trucker began to weep…then evolved.
The other drivers started to panic, rushing to their new 15 minute-old friend, I stopped them by holding up my hand, saying “It’s too late…he’s gone to the BEST place” They stopped their shrieking and bustling to look at me.
Behind the 4 truckers that were left, I saw that the dead driver’s body was evolving into little yellow butterflies and bubbles.
“It’s only a matter of time now” I said smiling. It wasn’t a cruel smile. It was a knowing smile.
I had just become aware of a much more mature, much more transcendent power in my AWESOMENESS…and I knew that these 4 men were on their way to the BEST place.
It was out of my hands now.
The AWESOME was in control.
All 4 men stared at me. They looked at one another, questioningly… then, they knew.
The shower of butterflies and bubbles that burst from their bodies looked like a parade on a spring day.
I will have to be careful with this new manifestation of my prowess, I mused.
People will not understand that I cannot control some aspects of my AWESOME. It wants to spread like pollen from a flower…nourishing and fertilizing the common folk. It wants to go forth and enlighten people that there is one amongst them, that is willing to share his AWESOMENESS with the masses and bring joy, happiness, wisdom and 75% off coupons for Starbucks.
It could happen….
As I stood there among the happy bubbles and butterflies, I smiled to myself. I held out my hands and let a few of the bubbles gently rest on my palms.
I could almost hear the laughter and joy coming from the bubbles…
I lightly blew the bubbles from my hand, like a soft kiss, and watched with pride as they floated away…dancing in the light.
Then…I straightened up…something was wrong!
There were other forces attacking me now. I could feel the evil creeping up my spine like the cold, dead hands of a ghostly lover.
My AWESOME was starting to ebb…drawing back into my body, as if sensing a predator.
I could feel its glow dimming. I reached into my soul with my mind, trying to force it back out and shield me with its AWESOMENESS!
Then…just like that, it had gone.
My AWESOME had deserted me. It had left me to face the evil alone.
I felt the evil climbing up my legs like serpents. I could feel them encircling my waist, and entering my belly-button. I felt them twisting and turning around my guts like ropes.
“BBrrrrppp….” whispered my hiney
The evil had brought its own bubbles and butterflies…
Angry bubbles….Angry butterflies
I had to go poop….I had to go poop bad!
I just made it….barely.