Made This Way

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Where does this hate come from? I saw it’s face.

I don’t know these two

They’re just talking to each other

A black guy and an obvious girl Jew

Why am I disgusted by her, and mad at him?

Can’t they find someone to love that looks just like them?

Can’t she find a nice white guy with blonde hair and green eyes?

Why does the black guy lust for her smooth creamy thighs?

Why doesn’t he leave her alone and abort his foul plan?

It’s just to rub it into the faces of godly white men

Flaunting his trophy, a conquest for show, a triumph for him?

Now he is touching her, just on the arm

I feel the bile rise, a touch of alarm

She is tossing her hair, spreading her arms as if to stretch

I know what she’s doing, I could almost wretch

The black guy is tall, she is fair and slight

He’s probably thinking “Wait ‘til tonight”

The black guy grabs her in a big friendly squeeze

She laughs with a titter, she’s an obvious tease

Then I hear a voice from deep in my soul

“What are you doing, you racist asshole?!”

I don’t want to be like this, I fight it all the time

I have quickness to judge, a quickness to condemn

I truly make an effort now, at least in my eyes

To give to all a fair shake, not live by engrained lies

But the big people never let me play with the small nigger kids

I couldn’t play with the funny talking brown ones; I’d get beat if I did

They said they were dirty, and stole little white girls

They told me they were animals that ate only possums and squirrels

It didn’t matter that they were the only playmates around

They couldn’t come into our house, or set foot on our hallowed ground

My dad thought it was funny to make our dogs chase them and bark

He would lock all our doors and whisper that “the niggers come out after dark”

He would tell us that the brown one’s should all go back home

Back to a far away land, and leave our jobs alone

I always knew something didn’t seem right…

I never saw niggers come out into The South Georgia night

The brown people seemed happy and worked very hard

I never saw them rape a white girl, or ‘jack’ my mom’s car

Our parents are supposed to teach us what’s right and what’s wrong

But what if they didn’t know, what if they’d been taught wrong?

If it was all that they’d been taught, all that they knew

Why was it wrong to hate a nigger, a spic, a commie or Jew?

I sit here thinking that I’ve been tainted and made hard

I’ll never be the man I want to be

To have a soul with without scars

I don’t want to be a racist asshole, I hate being this way

It’s a constant battle that’s waged, every minute of every day.

I fight the first thought’s that pop in my head and limits my mind

I’m glad that I know it now, the difference I mean

I can stop it before it starts, with a slate that’s wiped clean

The bigotry and hate still lurk there, deep in my bones

But it’s no longer on the surface, not to be shown

I still chew the hate back, followed by anger and shame

But I am older and wiser now

I will win this fretful game…

I am a better man, I’m working on it everyday.

If anyone says they have no prejudice, and judge not lest they be damned

Then I am the only honest man I know trying to keep the dirt off his hands

I told you I would never lie in my posts. I told you that they were more for me than you. I told you that these posts are a way of examining my thoughts and life. I told you that I would not lie, or hold back. I told you, that you might understand that I am a flawed man, and I never quit
trying to better myself.

P.S.S You help me with this by reading these posts, and knowing that there is at least one man you are aware of that wants’ better for the world….and himself

He wants…no regrets

3 thoughts on “Made This Way”

  1. I really liked this. It is open and honest. No political correctness to blur what is being related.
    My Mum was raised in Kansas City, and from what she tells me, there was quite a bit of racial hatred going on when she was coming of age. She still has quite a bit. I notice in her it comes out when she is mad, or she is ready things about the government. She has told me and I have seen her ability to be really be very judgmental at the drop of a hat. I am not saying I am way better than her, I just think I have had different values growing up, ones which I made, and she and I are so different. I often cannot wrap my head around the way she sees things or people, and I think this comes from just growing up in my own world, basically raising myself as to values and judgment calls. My sister is much like her.
    I have a headache, which I had since early early morning, so I am not thinking real clear. Actually I am a bit pissy, or the animals might even call me a bitch, but since they are not allowed to call their human mother vulgar names, I am sure they are keeping that piece of info to themselves.

      1. You are so silly. I am not worry of heroship, or is that hero worship, oh, something silly like that. You, on the other hand, well…

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