Promises Made

When I become rich after my first novel, I promise not to remember all the little people I stepped on to reach my lofty perch.
Unless they’re famous too….

I promise that when I leave the bank after cashing my first multi-million dollar royalty check, I will never again step over a homeless person without
giving them a buck or two.

I promise that after I buy my first Ferrari I will not run down hitch-hikers to see if it looks like it does in the movies.

That’d look cool though…

I promise that when I go to my book signings I will not put little notes in them like…”Call me” or “Show me your boobs” or “ Do me now”, like other famous authors do…

I will accept topless WOMEN photos and phone numbers for my “I Wanna Do Treyzguy Fan Club”

I promise that when my novel is adapted for a movie I will not insist on a gratuitous sex scene with Angelina Jolie….or Brad Pitt.

I promise that if the blood sucking producers force me to act in the gratuitous sex scene, it will only last an hour.

I’m waiting on their call….

I promise that I will not use my celebrity status to get into fine restaurants or high dollar rehab centers.

I will use an alias…

I promise that when I get a star on Grauman’s Chinese Theatres Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, and put my handprints there, I will not act like I’m allergic
to cement and sue them for millions.

I am allergic to Chinese however…

I promise that with all of my millions I will buy one share of Starbucks. Nobody is rich enough to afford two shares after they’ve bought a Quadriginoctuple Frappuccino with 48 shots of espresso, in a Venti Mocha Frappuccino with soy mocha drizzle, matcha powder, protein powder, caramel brûlée topping, strawberries, two bananas, caramel drizzle Frappuccino chips and vanilla bean.

Not even Bill Gates…

I promise that when I am famous, I will not pretend that I am above the laws of the land.

I will INSIST on it….

I promise that when I am bored I will not write stupid post about stupid stuff…

I swear it…

Humbly yours,