Dirty Job: Another in the Lame Poem Series

 

Sometimes I wonder why I’m so handsome…

In a world full of plain

How can people rejoice when they wake up

And they still look the same?

How can it be that when God created me

He told the angel in charge to “Double up on his sexy”

I can’t help it when women swoon and faint

And artists beg to copy my likeness with oil and paint

It’s not my fault when I enter a room

That a hush falls across it, as if swept by a broom

I’ve gotten used to the stares and envy that dog my trail

I’ve gotten used to all the naked pics that come in the mail

It’s not my fault when I get calls late in the night

Begging me for liaisons while their husbands are locked in the closet and shake with fright

I can get a woman pregnant by just throwing my pants on her bed

I’ve made women enter an asylum when they’ve lost their head

I can’t seem to find any quiet time just for me

The needs of the many play out how it must be

I must spread my handsomeness across this great land

I must make sure I leave no woman holding out an empty hand

It’s a dirty job that’s been left up to me

To do my best to spread my sexy from sea to shining sea!