I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.
– John Lennon
I was sitting among some older truck drivers in a Petro truck stop restaurant this morning, waiting on my sugar-free, low salt, low starch, taste-free breakfast when we all lapsed into the usual conversation strains of home, memories and America.
People of the same occupations have a type of camaraderie that (Jeez I can’t believe I knew how to spell camaraderie) a type of fellowship that others don’t understand, or just don’t give a crap about.
The subject matter and debates ebbed and flowed as all crucial earth shattering discussions go.
I came to realize something about these old men.
They’re freaking nuts.
I came to realize that I am the only sane person in that restaurant.
Then I thought “What if they are the sane ones and I’M the crazy person?”
Those few of my enlightened followers that religiously check my blog out every day know that at times I can be a little….weird, egotistical, narcissistic, bragadocial ,crude, lewd and socially unacceptable.
I can live with that…I have embraced my perfections.
I love me…I understand the needs of my soul.
This is what I understand:
1) I hate tomatoes
a) I don’t know why I hate tomatoes, I just do. I’ve never eaten one, so why don’t I like them? I have no earthly idea. But, I do know that if one slips by my inspection I will spit it out over a wide expanse of passersby.
I HATE tomatoes.
I’ll eat ketchup, salsa, tomato gravy and fried green tomatoes…But not fresh red tomatoes. I love to grow tomatoes…all different types of maters…I will water them, fertilize them, protect them from bugs and grow them in a spot where people can see them and say “Those are some nice looking tomatoes”
Weird…? I kinda think so.
2) “Are you allergic to penicillin?” the hot nurse inquires.
I don’t know if I am or not. I probably heard my mom tell a doctor that when I was a wee lad and remembered it, but…I don’t know for sure. I just tell people that I have been allergic to the first real wonder drug all of my life and if I take it I will die.
Even talking about penicillin gives me a sense of impending doom.
And I truly don’t even know if I’m allergic to it. But I’ll die or kill someone before I let them give it to me.
Weird? Who knows….? Not me.
3) I LOVE mustard sandwiches.
a) Just mustard on bread.
Weird? Go to hell….
4) I am a racist
a) I hate everything that is not like me. I don’t know why I’m a racist, but I can’t seem to shake it. I’ve got friends and acquaintances of most creeds and colors, but I still judge people automatically by the color of their skin. I don’t know why I do this. I don’t like it when I do this. I am painfully aware of this character flaw. It takes a conscious effort for me to correct this. I know I am being an asshole, and that all people should be judged by their merits. So why am I a racist?
I have no fucking idea….
What I really hate is when I see Mexicans cooking in an Italian restaurant, or black folks cooking in a Mexican restaurant or gay people working in a men’s/women’s clothing store. I REALLY hate it when I see fat or ugly people working in an adult novelty store…aka Porn shop.
Not that I’ve ever been in a porn shop….
Weird? Of course I am…
5) Saints are sinners that never quit trying….
a) If this is true, then I am a saint. A comforting thought for me. A lifeline of sorts. I never quit trying to do the right thing but I come up short more times than not. I have a tremendous conscience. I have an immense guilt complex. I am constantly berating myself for my short-comings and inability to correct these before I do anything stupid or profane.
b) I want to be a better man. I want to be socially active. I want to make the most out of my life and influence others to be better neighbors and friends. I want to die with a clean slate, and be missed by someone.
c) “I’m glad he’s dead…” I don’t want to hear that, well….I probably won’t hear it…but you get my point.
d) I WANT to be a good man.
Have I done too much damage during my life to ever truly expect people to forget my transgressions and be revered by all the souls I have known?
Probably not…Oh…almost forgot…I hate Yankees and Canadians too….Just saying, eh?
I just wish that I could do it all over sometimes…I wish people would believe me when I say “I’m sorry”. The problem with that is that I’ve said it too many times. After a while….no one believes me anymore…even when I really mean it.
- “Once you suck a pecker, you’ll always be a pecker sucker”
- “Once you tell a lie, you’ll always be a liar”
- “Once you allow yourself to fail, you’ll always expect to”
I’m sorry (I really mean this one) that I am waxing philosophical (wow, got that word right too)
But this is one of the main reasons I created this blog.
I no longer lie…AT ALL, except when I say “No…you’re not ugly” or “I don’t have any change on me” or “I’m not lying…”
This blog is how I explore myself and my thoughts. I do better when I write stuff down. I can be frank and honest here. I’ve noticed that a few of my posts have some messages in them even when I didn’t think I was inserting any, or trying to do so.
Weird? No…just ironic.
That in itself shows me the hidden thoughts and feelings I have that I must not be able to vocalize.
Then why do I “see” these things after I write it down?
I think it’s because when I write something down, it becomes truth….at least in the way I mean.
“Words are wind”
I apologize again for this post.
I just felt a little bit melancholy this morning due to the fact I can no longer have salt, sugar, fat, fried foods, caffeine or anything that tastes good…
But…it’s a beautiful morning here in Texas.
I decide to be happy today….I hope y’all make the same decision.
P.S Pray for the Philippines