Rocking My Mantra

I can’t feel a thing in my left big toe…..Image

I have been listening to an audio-book by Eckhart Tolle, a teacher of spirituality, meditation and the author of “The Power of Now” and “A New Earth”. In 2011, he was listed by the Watkins Review as the most spiritually influential person in the world.

I don’t know what guidelines are used in determining this fact but I can tell you, with no bullshit or nefarious reasons that his ideas and techniques are working for me.

I am a dormant alcoholic as many of you know.

And as a “DA” I can attest to the fact that as an addict of alcohol and Fig Newtons that we (alcoholics and addicts) have searched, studied and practiced every possible “cure” that is out there.

I’m not going to get into specifics quite yet about these cures and remedies, for there are many.

But Tolle has hit on something in my psyche or soul that has actually triggered a response.

My religion hasn’t.  My rehabs didn’t.   My sleeping in dumpsters didn’t.

Maybe because I have to concentrate on his voice a little more due to his German/British/California accent……Maybe that’s why I retain more info…..

I actually PAID MONEY for a membership to his website!  I actually PAID MONEY for his audio-books that he narrates!ImageImage

I have never done that in my lives…..

He explains how to become aware of your body and spirit.

Listen to your breath, listen to your heart-beat, feel the hairs in your nose twitch as the breath goes in and out (I enhanced the last one, but you catch my drift)

Just be aware of yourself…..Be in the “NOW” moment.

So I was lying there in my sleeper and trying to rock my mantra in the yoga position of flat….

I was trying to focus and listen to my breath…..To totally relax.


When I woke up 4 hours later I tried again.

This time I was attempting to feel the blood in my vein’s, the whiskers growing on my face, an eye-lash that was shorter than the others….You know….I was getting into myself…..

When I woke up 2 hours later I tried again….

DAMMIT MAN! This meditation shit is exhausting!

I lay there and breathed….

My hands resting on my stomach, my man-boobs rising and falling with the slow measured breaths, I became aware…..That I couldn’t feel anything in my left big toe.

I tried again…..nothing.Image

I have absolutely no awareness in my big toe.

How can I express the distress that this revelation has caused me?

How can I enter the “NOW” moment when my toe won’t go with me?

I wiggled my left big toe…..Check!

It was working okay, of this I was glad to see.

I went back into my meditative state and tried again, I may have missed my left big toe in the first attempt.

Nothing…..I was getting no mantra no shakra or Kama Sutra from my left big toe.

I finally realized with great alarm that my left big toe has no soul.

A left big toe with no “being”…..

After all the attention and pedicures I have lavished that left big toe with, and it won’t “talk” to me….

Fine….Let it play its little games and ignore me.

Two can play that game.

Spoiled brat….!


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