My niece Wendy Sue just told me that she has cervical cancer.
I don’t know what to say or think.
I burped her when she was a baby.
Years later, I have done the same with her kids.
I think I’m in shock….
Is it wrong for me to hate God now…?
Or trust in his “plan”….?
I’m really angry with him now.
She says that she is having a biopsy done the day after Christmas.
They will tell her what stage her cancer is in….
My Wendy Sue has 4 kids.
She is the most sensitive and tender girl/woman I have ever known.
She is beautiful…….and she loves her Uncle Trey.
She has been there for me thru all of my drunken phone calls, my rehabs, my active alcoholism and more things I can think of.
She laughs when she tells me about those drunken calls I used to make to her in the middle of the night, half a world away, and sing to her……
And now…..God is trying to take her from me.
I know that the abnormal cells may be nothing at all, and that the biopsy will reveal more information.
But I don’t care about that.
I’ve lost enough in this life Lord….
Don’t take the girl….
Leave her here with me Lord, and I promise I will devote the remainder of my life to the service of others.
Damn the pay, Damn the insurance, Damn the retirement….Damn it all….
Just leave her be….
I will fight you for her……
Better yet….take me in trade.
Is it out of your hands? Do you have nothing to do with this, or am I just praying to messy blankets and a pillow?
Sometimes I get so mad when I hear “Thy will be done”.
I’m sorry I’m so upset and angry and that I’m taking it out on you Lord….
But you know how I am and you know what’s in my heart…..
She’s a part of my heart Lord.
And miss my Wendy Sue….
I’m going to pray to my pillow some more, and maybe cry a little.
Or tell me she’ll be okay.
Don’t take my Wendy Sue….