It’s officially 2014.
I don’t feel any different.
I am much handsomer than yesterday, but that is a daily occurrence and I am no longer surprised.
I have come to accept the fact that my beauty and ego have no bounds.
I wonder how much more awesome I will become this year?
Up to this point in my life I never expected to ……wait…..
Of course I expected to be more awesomer.
I am going into this New Year with a more positive attitude than I already have.
This is much more difficult than you meager peasants may think, since when you abide on the level of perfection that I do…. I must admit, in my awesomer humble opinion, that it is something of a job to perfect perfection.
I have decided that I am in an all out war with Starbucks and that under my inspired leadership, occasional muggings and compromising photo’s of Starbucks corporate heads, I will be able to lower their prices and create my own recipe. I will call it “Mocha Trey Latte’ with a double shot of AWESOME.
It will also come with either a Bagel or Croissant.
See….it’s already started to get awesomer. I spelled ‘Croissant’ without spell-check.
Hmmmm……I may have to get a grip on this awesome explosion thingee…..
At this rate I will burst into bubbles and rainbows.
I have decided to allow the Smithsonian and Mayo Clinic to study me…..For an obnoxious fee.
They contacted me after they received my investigations and self-diagnosis of Narcissistic Paranoid Hypochondrial Nymphomania with Schizoid tendencies.
I have also submitted a paper to the Joyeuse Encyclopédie Anecdotique de la Gastronomie explaining that Baloney sammiches are the perfect food……as long as there is a zesty garlic dill pickle on the side….
Okay….So I woke up in a fantasy world this morning.
But that’s okay. I visit there frequently.
In this world that I have created I am the king.
I go there when times are tough or when I just need some time to sort things out.
I always return to this awake place in a much better humor and with a better outlook.
In my mind, I am perfect.
In my mind, all things are possible.
In my mind, what can be dreamed up can be created.
In my mind, there is a big door that keeps out all bad things.
Of course I can hear the bad things on the other side of the door, but my door gives me all the time I need to regain my strength and prepare my own strategy for counter-attacks.
In my mind, I am the slayer of bad things.
So do yourself a solid and visit your fantasy worlds a little more frequently this year.
You can make it anything you want…..
I made mine AWESOME…….