Can you believe someone actually bid me “Good morning” before I had my coffee?
I hope the old lady makes it…..
No no no, don’t go jumping all over me because of that!
She’s 75 years old and has been on this earth long enough to know what an under-caffeinated human looks like, so it’s not my fault!
I can’t help the basic human instinct to kill a happy “morning” person.
It’s in the DNA! It’s in the code!
I’m glad that she has to start her New Year in the ICU though…..
Old people should be pampered…..literally. (Lord have mercy I’m mean spirited this morning LOL!)
I took her wallet and food stamps to make it look like a typical robbery so her insurance would cover her injuries.
I was helping her out…..kinda….
If her agent found out that she had messed with a pre-coffee truck driver they’d consider her claim null and void.
Hell, we all know that the court would have considered it justifiable homicide if the old bag had croaked.
I have to be careful though, the last old person I pushed down the stairs didn’t break his hip like they’re supposed to when they fall and can’t get up.
He was able to testify…
But I slipped the jailer a twenty and asked him to put hydrogen peroxide in a glass that the old guy was soaking his teeth in and when he appeared in court he was foaming at the mouth, thus my lawyer pointed out that the old bastard was a mad dog and should be put down.
Don’t get me wrong, I love and revere old fogies. I think that their wisdom and experiences in life are very valuable to those of us who are still young and have much more to live for than they do.
However, I think that they should be held to a higher standard when they do something dumb….like waiting for someone to open a door for them or not run them down at a cross-walk when their walker or wheelchair gets stuck in a pothole.
Besides….they look funny when they eat peanut butter.
For instance, the other day I’m standing in the checkout line waiting for this old bitty to count out her pennies and coupons, knowing that she knew that this wasn’t coupon day.
I could hear the people grumbling behind me in the line. I could see the pleasant but frustrated look on the cashiers face.
I did what had to be done….
I karate chopped her on the back of the neck and laid her down on the taxi bench in front of the store.
I just did what is natural.
I moved an old person to the side so that the younger of us can thrive.
So….Now that it is January 2nd and all the holiday crap is behind us, it’s time to get back into the normal routine of our lives.
Be nice to old people and baby ducks…..
Unless they stop traffic crossing the road….
At least we can eat the ducks…..
We’re not freaking cannibal’s people!
Support the AARP and Geritol.
God Bless America!