Can you believe someone actually bid me “Good morning” before I had my coffee?

I hope the old lady makes it…..

No no no, don’t go jumping all over me because of that!

 She’s 75 years old and has been on this earth long enough to know what an under-caffeinated human looks like, so it’s not my fault!

I can’t help the basic human instinct to kill a happy “morning” person.

It’s in the DNA! It’s in the code!

I’m glad that she has to start her New Year in the ICU though…..

Old people should be pampered…..literally. (Lord have mercy I’m mean spirited this morning LOL!)

I took her wallet and food stamps to make it look like a typical robbery so her insurance would cover her injuries.

I was helping her out…..kinda….

 If her agent found out that she had messed with a pre-coffee truck driver they’d consider her claim null and void.

Hell, we all know that the court would have considered it justifiable homicide if the old bag had croaked.

I have to be careful though, the last old person I pushed down the stairs didn’t break his hip like they’re supposed to when they fall and can’t get up.

He was able to testify…

But I slipped the jailer a twenty and asked him to put hydrogen peroxide in a glass that the old guy was soaking his teeth in and when he appeared in court he was foaming at the mouth, thus my lawyer pointed out that the old bastard was a mad dog and should be put down.

Don’t get me wrong, I love and revere old fogies. I think that their wisdom and experiences in life are very valuable to those of us who are still young and have much more to live for than they do.

However, I think that they should be held to a higher standard when they do something dumb….like waiting for someone to open a door for them or not run them down at a cross-walk when their walker or wheelchair gets stuck in a pothole.

Besides….they look funny when they eat peanut butter.

For instance, the other day I’m standing in the checkout line waiting for this old bitty to count out her pennies and coupons, knowing that she knew that this wasn’t coupon day.

I could hear the people grumbling behind me in the line. I could see the pleasant but frustrated look on the cashiers face.

I did what had to be done….

I karate chopped her on the back of the neck and laid her down on the taxi bench in front of the store.

I just did what is natural.

 I moved an old person to the side so that the younger of us can thrive.

Ask Darwin…..

So….Now that it is January 2nd and all the holiday crap is behind us, it’s time to get back into the normal routine of our lives.

Be nice to old people and baby ducks…..

Unless they stop traffic crossing the road….

At least we can eat the ducks…..

We’re not freaking cannibal’s people!

Support  the AARP and Geritol.

God Bless America!

20 thoughts on “Gerontologist”

  1. Give me a fortnight and I could be one of those auld folk you’re karate chopping! I look for mercy and a hand across the road. I will endeavour not to take too long in my purse at the checkout……sounds a bit risky…. 🙂 x

      1. Naw. Funnily enough I can still read small print perfectly. The optician says I’m a wonder. 🙂 Birthday card away as long as you get the numbers jumbled. I quite like the sound of 35. 😉 x

    1. I just felt like being a meanie this morning! LOL! I woke up in a good mood and I was laughing and shaking my head the whole time I was writing this!
      I figured I might catch some grief from you being a care-giver and all, but I hoped your goofy side would understand!

      1. Oh, I’ll have my standardized back shield with shock absorber/tazer attached! It also has a secret panel with a fold up cane inside, so if I do get a surprise back attack, I can deploy it to fend off my attackers with a brutal smack-down.

        Either that, or I’ll just watch out for you with the eyes in the back of my head. Us mothers never lose that ability.

  2. What is really scary about this is my mum is 73 and she doesn’t look all old and wrinkled like the woman in the picture. Now that I am 50, *clearing throat* I mean 35, my mum doesn’t look that old at 73. She has learned, slowly (probably her age keeping her from learning this quicker), not to try and say anything to me in the morning, especially before I take the dog out. Even at the, she can only tell me she is going to the hospital or there is a fire in my cave before I have had my coffee. Like I said, this was slow learning for her.

    I have to sit with a bunch of them on the senior bus to Wal-Mart when I go. Hence, the reason I take my kindle and Mp3 player. The one time I didn’t, I had to listen to a woman complain about her cysts which has burst. Oh Lovely! I hang with this crowd, and they all think I am 35, for reals, and that I am some kind of leech on my mum. Oh! If they only knew the truth, or could remember it from the day before when they were told the whole story.

    I know there is a nice guy inside the cab of that truck somewhere. I don’t think you let him out of the duct tape bondage you have him in (that sounded so wrong) very often, but he is there. Is this year going to be one where evil Trey does a lot of stories? Cool!!!!

    Peace & Love

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