I am holding my life in my hands.
I finally got it….
It was a gift given to me after our war.
The war was the saddest time of our existence…..
Do you remember?
It was the war that your poets, singers and artists describe in their fashion….
It was the war that tore Heaven apart.
You see….? I know you won’t remember, but we have existed forever.
I was there when Creation began.
We all were…..even you my heart.
But you are “alive” now, and can’t remember me.
I should be happy for you…..but I miss you.
We were part of a vast family…..You and I.
I cannot describe Heaven to you any longer for my time is close at hand and I will be leaving soon.
As my “life” is soon to begin on your Earth my memory is failing, so I am writing down my thoughts before they fade….like unto the ‘dreams’ you have.
I didn’t think this would torment me so…..Leaving the home of our Father.
But the war changed many things, as all conflicts do.
It changed everything….Remember?
Together we seen him fall….screaming, crying…..cursing……calling out to our Father.
That was the first time we saw our Father cry.
We cried too….
Alas….Your face pressed to my breast….Remember?
We held each other and wept for the lost son…..our shunned brother.
I only remember war……
Do you remember anything….?
No….of course you can’t.
There was death in Heaven……
I am…or was a soldier…..I was true……
You were a gallant soul.
I remember that much….
We were given the gift of mortal “life” for our valor during the war.
It was a much sought after prize, that mortal “life”.
But at what price I am wondering now….
I am scared.
Were you scared when you were given your “life”?
I don’t know what’s going to happen….
I wish you could hear me and soothe my heart.
I think what scares me the most is that I am losing a millennium of our memories.
I am losing…..Us.
I am not strong without you….
I am afraid!
I no longer know where I come from or what purpose this “life” will bring!
I only know that I come from….somewhere.
I don’t know where the Father is anymore….!
I can’t remember what he looks like…..and this makes me weep!
But I know he is there…..
I can’t remember him, but I KNOW him!
He speaks to me, but I cannot see him anymore!
Will we ever…..see our Father again….our family?
Does that make sense?
Whisper it to me if you know….
I wish you could hear me……
Do you remember what our Father looks like?
No, of course you don’t….
The “life” I have been given is in my hands.
I am cupping it in my palms now as I study it.
It is as bright as a star and has a warm glow but it is cold to the touch.
I thought about adding a description of you in my notes, to show I know you, but I am unable to do your light any justice.
How do YOU describe the ultimate gift of this “life’?
I will say that it is glorious to look upon….and terrible.
I have never been “alive” before.
Is there anything to it?
I admit that I am terrified now….
I don’t know what I am to do with this “life”.
I don’t know what “life” is!
What does” life” do….if anything?
Will it be good? Will it be bad?
It was given as a gift to do with as I pleased…..I remember that much.
I wish you could see me….
What have you done with your “life”?
Is it scary? Is it beautiful? What does ‘pain’ mean?
I’m sorry my love that I am weak and in need of your succor.
I promise that I will know you when I see you.
I will find you…..I swear.
I will never stop looking for you….
The “life” we have been given is a gilded jewel burden that holds promise…..and mortal time.
I am sure that we will find each other….If it takes all of our “lives”.
It is only a matter of….time?
Yet I know that we are eternal…..and we will find each other when that mortal time has passed away.
I must end this note now.
I know you will never see it, but it gives me comfort to write it and remember you as long as I can.
But your face is fading now….as the words of this note dim.
My soul will know when I find you.