Weather Update from Nawlins’


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I am almost ashamed to be a Southerner today….

As most of you know, those that live in the States, we just had a visit from a winter storm named “Leon”.

Most of my followers, ardent admirers and blog groupies also remember that I am a dirty, stinky old truck driver.

I am currently on a dedicated route that runs from Hope, Arkansas (birthplace of William Jefferson ‘Bill’ Clinton) to New Orleans, Louisiana (Famous for Crawfish, Jazz and Mardi Gras)

I have been over this entire country in my travels.

I have been thru hurricanes all along the Gulf Coast, tornados in Texas Ohio and Missouri, blizzards in Montana and Wyoming, avalanches in Washington and Utah, Ice Storms in Oklahoma and Massachusetts, Terror attacks in NYC, the Branch Davidian Fiasco in Waco, Texas, earthquakes in LA AND San Francisco and way too many other historical and/or weather occurrences to name.

I’m starting to think this shit is starting to follow me around….

Anywho…

To drive thru all kinds of weather is a natural thing for a trucker.

It’s part of our job.   It’s expected.

But when Leon passed thru and dropped temperatures and added a barely measurable amount of snow and ice, if I can even call it that, it has shut down Southern Louisiana.

Can you believe that they actually closed schools the day before the storm got here?!

I’m not even gonna call it a storm, it doesn’t deserve that distinction.

I will now refer to “Leon” as a pisser.

I know it struck Alabama and Georgia pretty hard, but the pisser was just getting fired up as it passed over Louisiana.

I have been driving thru Louisiana today and they have all kinds of road/ramp closures.

My regular 7.5 hour trip took 10 hours!

I have been driving on clear roads, except for the melted ice that is now water at 37* and sunny.

I saw no snow, or ice on the grass by the interstate.

I only saw one stretch of interstate that had about 20 miles of one wide lane to run on, out of 434 miles, and I ran it at 64 mph.

They had a detour thru Alexandria, Louisiana that took me right thru the business district.

All the lanes were clear, like I said…37*, and they were driving with their foot on the brakes and a “Coming to see you soon Jesus” look in their eyes.

If I had done what I thought about doing, just to be mean, and honked my big rig horn at one lady that was going 25 mph on a 4 lane city street, I THINK SHE WOULD HAVE DIED.

I kept 2 trailer lengths behind her because I couldn’t tell what she was gonna do.

Hell, everyone around her was driving the same way!Image

I was slowly losing my “Power of Now” and considered telling Buddha to eat shit and die.

The way she kept looking in her rearview mirror at me you’d think I had been following and stalking her all day….Just waiting on my chance to run her off the road.

I decided not to traumatize her anymore and not honk my horn.

It would have been funny as hell, but when the last thing that happens is the screech of tires, the sound of crunching metal, the tinkle of broken glass and the smell of shit…It loses its humor.

For them at least….; ) Bahahahaha!

I’m sorry…that was mean.

Some 411….

The rule for a trucker and something that you four-wheel drivers might not know is that if you can see water mist coming off your tires, IT’S NOT ICE!!!

If you see a big rig going down the road and there is water mist coming off his tires, IT’S NOT ICE!

You have to be careful of course for hydroplaning on standing water, but keeping your speed reasonable and BOTH hands on the steering wheel you should be fine.

But these ‘people’ down here are getting ridiculous.    It’s embarrassing….

These ‘people’ live thru Hurricanes!

They act like a 400 mile wide F2 tornado is nothing, even when they’re floating down Bourbon Street on the roof of their house!

But they get an overnight ‘pisser’ and they freak the hell out.

People were hording food and supplies in Shreveport! 300 miles north of NOLA!

If these ‘people’ had gotten an equivalent of what I saw in Boston about a month ago….OMG! I don’t even wanna think about that!

These ‘people’ would have started sacrificing their oldest sons!

I bet your happy ass that if they got a week of Pisser, y’alls property value up north would have gone thru the roof and Louisiana would be refunded back to France as a penal colony again.

Ha ha….I said “Penal”

Anywhos….

How do some people get a driver’s license?Image

I ask myself this every day of my life….many times.

With large amounts of vulgar language.

I just felt like ranting…..I’m sorry.

If you had to deal with these crazy people on the UNFROZEN highways of southern Louisiana today you’d be a nervous wreck too and saying to yourself, “Screw my alcoholism! I need a freaking whiskey!”

Don’t worry….I ain’t getting smashed.

Xanax is much better for these instances.

And I gotta do it all over again tomorrow….

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10 thoughts on “Weather Update from Nawlins’”

  1. I lived in NC for a few years and people would FREAK out with any snow or ice and drive like lunatics. Half would drive really slow, like 10 miles an hour on a highway, and the other half would drive way too fast and roll their SUVs. Nightmare. Don’t come to Boston driving 20. We will have no patience for you. And don’t roll your SUVs. We already have traffic jams that last for hours, without accidents. You can drive on the median, you back up down a one-way street, and we will just make room for you, perhaps with some eye rolling. But do not drive 20. Unless it’s a school zone. And even then…

  2. Somebody, somehow, scared these people silly with warnings about snow-and-ice-is-gonna-getcha, Trey. But I’m a northerner that would be frightened by a hurricane and floating down my street on the roof of my house, so what do I know. I’d say drive safely, but I know you are being forced to be over-caution around you.

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