Death By RuRu (Revisited)


**This is a revised edition of one of the favorites of my first followers and has created a few RuRu cult of personality groupie section. I am posting this revised story for the new guys and gals that have joined my blog lately.

Join the RuRu fan club! Image

 

This is a play by play account of the last 10 minutes:

[Setting] The “Writing Nook” of my truck.

[The Players involved] Me…2 rat bastard flies…and RuRu.

I’m sitting here in a tightly sealed truck, driving across the high Nevada plains at 68 mph.

Both windows are up, all vents shut, a/c making my eyes water and toes go numb.

I’m also listening to The Game of Thrones with my Audible app. I have Bluetooth in my truck too. It makes long miles interesting and bearable.

Anyways…

I’m driving past Battle Mountain, Nevada (elevation about 6000’) heading east. I am on my way to Brattleboro, Vermont (Elevation…dick!)

It is sunny on the road today…raining in spots. That’s how the high plains are. Wait 5 minutes…weather changes.

It’s so pretty with the sun beams poking thru the clouds and coloring the mountains and plains with shadow and light. It’s rather cool outside too. Temp gauge says 68 degrees.

 I decided to roll my window down half-way (if you open a semi truck window all the way it creates a vortex and all the wind is sucked out of your lungs…all your IMPORTANT papers blow out the window, and you become fat….Well, that last part is a slight exaggeraration.

Anywho…

I’m just sitting here listening to my audio book and getting pissed about Eduard Stark being beheaded by that prick Prince Geoffrey, when I glance out the window (like we all do) and see a fly.

There is a fly flying ALONG SIDE of my truck…I shit you not.

You heard me. A fly…? Flying next to my truck…? At 68 mph…? With the vortex and everything else?!

This sucker is flying his ass off.

I’m looking at this fly wondering if I’m hallucinating, when the sum bitch makes a right turn and flies into the cab of my truck!

I’m freaking out here people!

I hurry and roll up my window in case a wingman of his I didn’t see is tailing him.

Muwahahaha! Trapped bitches!Image

 I try to follow his flight path around the inside of my cab (you know how we all watch flies) trying to predict where they will land.

 It’s useless though because fly flight defies known physics and the laws of probability.

I have a flyswatter (I call him RuRu…I don’t know why…) in my truck because I haul a lot of foods from produce markets, and meat packing plants where flies hang out.

I also spend the nights in truck stops where nasty truckers will get out of their truck and pee pee on the ground.

Flies love pee!

Disgusting……

Anywho…

The fly that has entered my truck has now done what all flies do…

He has turned into 3 flies. I don’t know how they do this, but we’ve all seen it happen.

I am marveling at this as I reach for RuRu.

 As soon as RuRu starts to hunt them…they disappear.

I wonder what they do when they vanish….?Image

You know how them rat bastards are.

You won’t see them for 10 minutes. But…you’ll know they’re there.

Watching….waiting….

They sit there rubbing their stupid little hands together hoping for a chance to shit on your soda straw, and then laugh like hell when you take a sip on it.

Call me a liar!!  You’ve seen them watching you…..

Don’t you hate it when they land on the bottom side of your arm? Sunza bitches…

They have more lives than a freaking cat!

I mean…work with me on this.

Have you ever hit a fly with a fly-flap when it’s landed on your leg or arm? It hurts like hell don’t it.

And you know what?

You know you hit the bastard…but he flies off.

 He’s probably laughing too!

Sunza bitches…

So here I am…driving an 80,000 lb vehicle with one hand on the wheel, the other with a fly- flap.

One eye on the road….one eye for the fly.

Not really, I’m looking for these Sunza bitches…with both eyes! To hell with the traffic!!

And of course, they’re nowhere to be seen.

But I am smarter than a fly.

I know that when they see me put down RuRu…they’ll attack.

You know it’s true.

I catch one napping and quickly dispatch him.Image

Now…I have a window to clean.

What do you think was the last thing that went through that flies mind when he saw RuRu swooping down on him?

HIS ASS!!! That’s what! Muwahahaha!

Anywho….

Out of the corner of my eye, my spider sense tingling, I see the second fly dive into my trash can and I jam RuRu into the can whipping him around like I’m churning butter! (Now remember…I am still driving during all this)

The rat bastard fly doesn’t come out. I wait for 30 seconds then churn again.

No fly. I’m ahead of the game! ….Pussy

I can’t see the third fly.

I know he’s there…watching me. I can feel the hackles on the back of my neck rising.

 I call upon my superior intellect and cunning to anticipate his next move.

I put down RuRu and start whistling….Looking uninterestedly out the windows.

 I have turned off the audio book so I can concentrate.

 I hear nothing for 123 miles!

Now I have parked at a truck stop in Wendover, Nevada for the night.

I pull out my lap top to check emails and WordPress.

 I had forgotten about the fly as I was trying to think of a subject for a future post when the Sunza bitching fly re-appears and lands on the bottom side of my arm from behind.

God I hate that!!

DIE COMMIE SCUM!!!Image

Sneaky Bastard!

That’s fucking it!

I turn on every light that is in the cab of my truck.

You must see to kill…

I pick up RuRu…and wait.

My head is still, but my eyes move. “I’m waiting Mr. Future dead ass fly!”

I can feel RuRu trembling in my hand.

He looks up at me and says “I can smell ‘em”Image

[This next line is written 15 minutes from last line.]

I am still waiting and watching.

I know he’s still in here.

There are 2 again.

I think the one in the trash can is back.

Sunza bitches…

2 thoughts on “Death By RuRu (Revisited)”

  1. They have a zillion eyes, so they’re always watching you. They reproduce overnight… in your trash can…

    They wait until your eyes close…

    Do you sleep with your mouth open? Muwahahaha!

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