M.I.A

I seem to have lost my mind.

It was here a minute ago……At least I think it was.

When I wake up in the morning I go thru my anal preparations and usually gather up all of my necessaries…cell phone, deodorant, keys, reading glasses, coffee mug, etcetera and so forth.

Then, I turn around in the cab of my truck, sit down in the seat not 2 feet away, turn around to grab my stuff that has been set aside…..

And it’s gone…..

Let me elaborate.

Most of you know that I am a long haul trucker. Everything that I need in this truck is within arm’s reach.

Depending on the level of use corresponds to the proximity to above said handsome driver.

Cell phone…18” away

Cologne….18” away

Refrigerated cooler….18” away

Coffee mug…..propped against lips.

Bluetooth headset….18” away, just above eye level

Mace….18” away.

New pair of reading glasses….No freaking idea

Baby wipes…. (Dang, I need some more wipes) Good thing I checked.

You get my drift then.

If I use it a lot, it’s close to me.

At least they were a second ago.

How in the hell can I have just set this stuff down and then not be able to find it!?

Everything in this truck is less than 6 ‘away at the most!

There is something in here with me….has to be.

It eats socks too whatever it is….And ink pens.

This is starting to get even more weird and alarming.

I’m actually starting to think something is wrong with me.

I have posted about this before, and as I look back over previous ones I see that I have told y’all about 5 separate instances of memory lapses.

Do you know that I bought a cheapie cell phone that stays in the glove box whose one purpose is to call my high dollar android phone when I can’t find it?

If I ever turn that droid ringer off……

I wish they had apps or something that had a way to locate my TV remote…….That’s missing too.

I have 6 pairs of reading glasses in this truck…..

I found one.

I mean hell…! I’d lose my pecker if it wasn’t strapped to my ankle! 

; P (Couldn’t help that)

Thinking back, yes….I was a blonde child until I was around 12 years old when my pubes and hair both started to turn the same color.

Just another proof I guess that blonde is to the bone.

Anywho…don’t wanna test those waters.

There are TOO many smart, crazy blonde women out there in the Land of WordPressia.

I know who really controls the world….

By the way, answer me something, what is the purpose of polygamy?

Who in their right mind would want more than one wife? In retrospect….who in their right mind would want one husband?

I understand the fantasized idea of a steamy ménage a trios for the guy, but any man who thinks he can pull off a feat that can only be accomplished by an editing room of a porn studio is…..hell, I can’t even think of a word for it.

Delusional maybe…?

If I had 3 wives say….The approximate length of my typical coital attention divided by these 3 wives would equal to about 2.3 seconds.

And most likely the 2^nd and 3^rd wife would go unattended.

I get very excited…..

Anyway….Just asking.

Dang….

My pop tart was broken inside the wrapper.    I hate that.

What kind of sick bastard breaks pop tarts inside the wrappers? Whoever it is was probably laughing their ass off while they were doing it and mumbling “You ain’t the boss of me; you don’t tell me when to take the damn trash out”

This is the kind of person who will also crush up bags of potato chips or shake beer bottles.

There are some defective units out there….

Anywho….

What was I talking about….?

Oh yeah….Disappearing stuff.

I decided to quit looking for all that crap.

If you quit looking, you will find it.

It materializes out of thin air.

Or, you ignore what you’re looking for or what’s even been lost, then….when you need it you just reach for it and VOILA!        It’s there….

Weird.

Obviously there are forces at work here that defy description.

Why does fog smell funny?

(I’m trying to take my mind off the missing articles…Shhhh)

Well…It worked.

I just found my cell phone.

It was inside the right leg of my sweat pants, trapped at the elastic ankle thingee.

How in the hell……?

I heard the “Like” ringtone from one of my WordPress horde.

Thanks y’all.