Hater…

I have a confession to make…

I’m not wearing any underwear.

No…It’s not casual Friday.

I’ve just decided to do my own ‘little’ part in protest against “The Man”

Who is ‘the man’ you ask?

I thought y’all knew….

I was hoping y’all could tell me.

Well, whoever he is, I’ve had it up to here with him (Grabbing my crotch)

I can’t blame all our travails on”Whitey” anymore….

That’s soo yesterday.

Here are my beefs with the African-American Mexicali Chineseseses Korean Coalition of Vietnameseses and Eurasian Affairs controlled by the Canadian Intelligence Service under the direct supervision of the Brazilian Anti-Defecation League which is a branch of the Lichtenstein Government financially backed by Johnson & Johnson…..and Starbucks.

1)      How come when I bought my American flag it said “Made in India”?

It is an excellent flag no doubt. It waves on my truck as we speak. But come on….

How many India flags do you think we make for them? Don’t they know all the really good shit comes from Korean Mexican textile workers?

Now that’s true American!

2)      Why are there Mexicans working in my Authentic Italian restaurant?

What is the point of going into an Authentic Italian Restaurant without an opportunity to see a mafia hit go down, or an FBI arrest?

Where has the romance gone…?

It loses its traditional ‘flavor’ when the Immigration cops show up and your manicotti is cold and there’s a Mexican hiding in it when it arrives.

That’s just not right and poor customer service.

3)      What’s up with all the hotels and motels being owned by Pakistanis and Indians any way? They all smell like Paprika, curry and hummus…..AND….all the cleaning staff is Mexicans.

I don’t mind the smells, they make me hungry….and the Mexican cleaning staff doesn’t bother me. I have no problem with people trying to find a job.

My problem is that every time I turn on the TV in my room it’s on a Telemundo soap opera, and all the batteries are missing from the remotes.

Thieving ass Mexicans…..I know it’s them.

4)      Why do gay people wanna get married so much? Can’t they see that it doesn’t even work out for the straight people?

I think that they should tell the government and gay haters to stick it up their ass……  : )

I have friends that are gay, but I don’t….no, disapprove is not a good word. It’s more like, don’t understand.

 I don’t understand how a guy can get all hot and horny by looking at another guys Johnson and think “Man, I wish he’d pound me up my hole!”

I also realize that I am only that way toward the male persuasion peter puffers.

Are you straight girls like that toward the carpet munchers?

So, because I am a pig and condemn one and not the other, there has to be something fundamentally wrong with my reasoning toward gays.

I can’t condemn something I don’t understand, so how can I honestly have any malice toward the cock-smokers and muff divers.

To each his bone….oops, I meant OWN.

Now….some parting thoughts on change….

Seriously….

When I was a kid, I’m talking 7-8 years old; I would take a bottle of gas and a few matches and blow up ant beds in our yard.

It was one of my chores.

The only warnings I got from my parents was this:

“Don’t use too much gas and stand back from the blast” I was shown proper distance calculations in accordance with amount of gas used and expected blast radius.

“Don’t run if you catch on fire”   A very good heads up…..

“Keep the garden hose close by in case you do….” (Now I know that water is not very good against gas fires)

Thank God I only caught on fire a few times and there were sandy spots in our yard….

Here’s some more:

“Don’t stick the barrel of the shotgun in the mud or it’ll blow your face off” ….Yes sir.

“If you fall out of that tree it’s your own damn fault, I ain’t taking you to no doctor!”…Yes ma’am

“I told you not to swim in that irrigation ditch, I hope the ‘frawgs’ bite your pecker off!”….Yes ma’am

“Walk around the house and knock down all the wasps nest, but you gotta do it fast”…Yes sir.

“Don’t bring no little niggers to my house”

“But I ain’t got nobody else to play with”

“I don’t want no neighbors coming by and seeing a buncha little needle nose nigger youngun’s runnin’ around in my yard!”

“We’ll play in the back yard”

“No hell no, your daddy’s tools are back there and I don’t want nothin’ coming up missin’….You gotta watch them little niggers they’ll steal you blind”

Yes ma’am.

That’s…how I was taught you see.

I wish I didn’t judge people by the color of their skin.

I wish that I wasn’t suspicious of people different than me.

I wish that it hadn’t been engrained in me since I was in diapers that I was from the master race.

I wish that my bias and racist attitudes, or should I say…foundations were never encouraged or status quo.

I am older now.

I have learned better.

“You can tell a leopard from its spots” it is said….

You can change the amount and ‘color’ of your spots, but there is still spots, and you are still a leopard.

That’s probably why I cover myself in self righteousness.

To hide my spots.

But hiding the fact of still being a leopard….?

I am being honest with y’all about this.

I fight it every day.

Sometimes I win….Sometimes I lose.

But, I win more times now than I used to.

I am only a man.

I was raised in the South, in the only way that most people down there knew.

Ignorant….?     Yes.

But back then….I didn’t know it was wrong to hate niggers, Mexicans or Jews.

I didn’t know what a Jew was, but I knew they were bad….

See what I mean?

My uncle had a Jewish girlfriend that he brought home while he was on leave from the navy. He had met her in New York.

Her name was Jenny.

Funny that I still remember that after 40 years….

She was pretty and obviously brave or oblivious.  She knew she was going to deep dark Georgia cracker territory.

I remember that she had long black hair and olive colored skin. She was nice to me and my siblings, and talked funny and us kids loved to hear her ‘tawk’.

My Dad, Mom and grandparents were nice to her when she and my uncle were around.

“She’s a Yankee Jew” my Pawpaw would warn us in a whisper when she was in the next room or gone somewhere else.

And we all knew that was bad…..

So we watched her and hid our money, like my mom told us to.

How do you purge yourself of that type of thinking when you were taught that way and lived that way and KNEW NO BETTER ever since you were still hidden away in your pre-ancestral genetic codes?

I don’t believe you can ever change completely.   It’s always there.

If you deny that you have never had a racist thought, comment or action in your life then you are a liar.

The trick is to make the effort NOT to be that way.

I can honestly say that I do try.

There is always hope for change when desire outweighs ignorance.

 

P.S.

 My joking about race and homosexuality is meant as a joke.

Don’t be so ignorant….