We were all sitting around the supper table….my siblings, parents and I.
It was quiet.
You could taste the tension in the air.
It was go time and we all knew it.
The sheen of sweat glistening under the kitchen light on our faces, our eyes narrowed to slits as we evaluated each other and try to predict what levels each of us would sink to in our quest for the last piece of fried chicken.
A slight tinkle of silverware on my brother’s plate caused a brief distraction and several pairs of bouncing eyes glanced around for the source of the noise without taking their entire focus from the center plate holding the prize.
My dad stared across the table at my brother, his hands palms down on each side of his plate.,,,,Fingers drumming slowly.
My brother acted like nothing had happened and ignored the burning glare my dad was shooting at him.
“Nice try” my dad said, his eyes back on the chicken.
“What…?” said my stupid ass brother.
His words seemed to echo as the silence fell back into place and the hands free Vulcan mind melds began to reach out into the air above the chicken and start searching for breaks in each other’s psychic defenses.
“I’ll clean out the garage” my sister Sharon whispered.
Damn…..I was gonna use that one.
My dad kept his eyes on the chicken leg, its shiny crunchy skin glowing under the kitchen light, the slow spinning ceiling fan blade shadows making it look as if though it were still radiating smells.
The chicken leg spoke to me.
It said “I want it to be you eating me Trey”
I licked my lips.
It said “You’re the only one who understands me”
It said “I want you to be the one who chews me up like I’m a DIRTY LITTLE BITCH THAT DESERVES TO BE EATEN!”
I took my hands off the table and adjusted my zipper.
Dang it was getting hot in here all of a sudden….
When I put my hands back on the table, I shook my head and cleared the pleas of immediate mastication by the chicken leg from my mind.
My eyes locked on my dad’s….Had he heard the chicken’s seduction attempts?
Did he know that the chicken wanted me to be the one….?
He answered my sister’s bargain bid without taking his eyes from mine…
“It’s not that dirty” he said.
Sharon received her denial without any outward appearance of rejection, but I could feel her mind scratching against my psychic wall, trying to sneak a peek at my strategy.
I thought up an image of me sitting on her belly and making her eat a bug.
Her mind rape intrusion stopped.
My mom noticed my grin and slipped a quick look at my sister, then at my dad.
My dad had seen the grin too and his eyes narrowed a little bit more.
My mom tried to reach out and touch my dad’s arm.
“Don’t touch me” he whispered.
Mom drew back her hand slowly…..then made her attempt….Just like she always does.
“Well, if everybody is thru eating I’ve got to clean off the table and get these dishes washed”
She reached for the plate with the prize on it, as if though it was the most natural thing in the world.
I kicked her chair out from under her legs and whipped a back handed karate chop against the bridge of her nose, cartilage cracking like a rifle shot, blood spewing like….blood spewing!
My baby sister Laura Beth pumped a couple of 12 gauge shotgun blasts into my mom’s body as it flew backwards thru the air like a broken Frisbee!
My little brother hurled silverware thru the air like angry bees, pin cushioning my mom’s butt.
KILL KILL KILL KILL K…..!!!!
Okay….that was awkward.
My dad broke the spell of mental murder fantasy imagery that had taken over.
“Fool us one time…..” he began to say.
Mom had pulled that crap on us years ago, and we had fallen for it.
We had found her sitting on the dark front porch later that evening wolfing down the prize of that night.
The last piece of cornbread….
Her shadow looked like a crack head bent over his pipe.
When I had turned on the porch light, she had spun around….her eyes wild, cornbread crumbs falling from her bared gnashing teeth.
She sprung from the small circle of light and headed for the barn, lurching and grunting like Mr. Hyde thru the dark streets of London, her cackling laughter trailing behind her as she disappeared into the trees.
We had trusted her up to that point.
The level of betrayal is still fresh in our memories.
Maybe the tooth fairy has more than a freaking quarter to leave under our pillow!
Maybe mom was skimming off the top and getting her end of it before we did!
We….just didn’t trust old mom anymore.
Besides….she had beady eyes.
“I’ll give you free rent on Park Place and Boardwalk” my treacherous bastard of a brother said.
My dad’s eye twitched…..He shot a quick look at my treacherous bastard brother.
Dad’s eyes were back on the chicken leg…He said “Throw in two railroads”
My treacherous bastard cheating ass brother Kenny studied our dad’s face.
Kenny looked at me and grinned with that treacherous bastard cheating ass mouth and said:
“It’s just bizness”
I looked at my other siblings.
Sharon was fingering her steak knife, looking at Kenny.
LB was fingering the salt shaker, looking at Kenny.
I was fingering my tea glass, looking at Kenny.
Kenny was fingering…..hell, I don’t know what the treacherous bastard was fingering..
My dad was fingering something out of his teeth with his pinky finger looking at Kenny.
Then….My spider sense kicked in!
Just as we all became linked to one another’s thought process, there was a crash and a whoosh as a dish went flying past our heads…..
Minus my chicken leg!
We all spun from the table, weapons ready.
Mom crashed thru the front window, howling and cackling, her dark hair waving like a bats wings as she plummeted 12 feet to the ground below, never once slowing down.
We all rushed to the window and watched in utter horror as my mom sprouted wings and flew into the night sky, screaming like a banshee.
The terrible dying screams of a quickly masticated chicken leg echoing in our ears…..
26 thoughts on “High Stakes Vulcan Mind Meld”
Ha! Thx Maggie!
Your poor mother. What she had to put up with. (!?) Reminds me of the time I went to my sons parent-teacher conference. I sat down next to the teacher’s desk. She looked straight at me and said, “Let’s not say anything. Let’s just sit here and feel sorry for each other.”) 😀 (That was years ago. He is actually a great guy now!) ….I assume you are too. 🙂
Hahahaha! Thanks for sharing your mastication fantasy.
It sounds so naughty when you say it like that! Lol!
Naughty? Moi? You’re just saying that because I have blog posts with titles like “Show Me Your Tool” and “At Least I’m Edible”…
Shameful… Just Shameful. 😛
I’ll have some of what you’re on! Wild. 🙂 x
I’m high on me baybay! (dancing a jig) Woo Hoo! Fra luh laa! Booga booga! Pfffftttt! Lol!
Trey, I’m back. I was thinking about this story first thing this morning. Dude! (May I call you “Dude”?) This is FINE writing! An exquisite blend of humor, terror, fantasy, memoir… you have seriously impressed me. May I just say, “Encore”
Wow…. Maybe I DON’T need coffee this morning.! Thx again Maggie!
This is one of the ‘good ones’, Dude. Tell Maggie it is alright to call any guy dude, and if he can’t take it, get off the friggin’ beach. LOL
You guys were serious about your greasy fat calorie loaded chicken. It’s all good, I used to be that way too, then I got _______.
Love this one. Reblogging it.
Peace & Love
You mean there are bad ones…? And because you hate it and you’re mindless slight of my magnificence… Wait for it….
You know I hate that!
Do you want all honesty now? Didn’t think so.
I thought we were on the same level here. The praise you require is so friggin’ high. Get over yourself.
Now, your magnificence, I really like this one, it is great, fun, and shows how insane your family was (although I don’t think it was really this silly over a piece of chicken, KFC or not. Maybe Bojangle’s would be worth this.). No wonder you write silly stuff.
Love ya’ dude
Peace & Love
It was BUTTER BATTERED!
Oh….well that makes all the difference in the world! NOT! Maybe for their coleslaw, but the chicken is just death in a chunky grease wrapper. I am so down on your chicken, blame it on my flare. I can’t even remember what I said last time on this post.
I will start over. This is a great story, love it, sending on to Vanity Press.
Don’t tease me…. I ain’t dun nuthin to you!
Pluzzze! You tease me all the time. The problem is I know you ain’t comin’ to ‘Vegas so therein lies the tease. Silly man!
I….. Don’t know what you’re talking about…… 😐
Messin’ wit’ ya’.
Signing off. Make sure to get all those chickens to those starving chilins’. No stopping at KFC. Be safe.
Peace & Love
Peace! Oh…I just posted another rant. Have a pain free night!
Reblogged this on Mind Chatter and commented:
Trey takes KFC to a whole new level, well at least one piece.
O.K. I left my iPad with Tom while I went to run errands. He casually asked if we might have chicken tonight.i wonder why.