Lane Changer

Do y’all ever have one of those weeks….?

I don’t even wanna try to get into details about how bad it has been.

I’m going to summarize.    Okay?

I want to kill everybody that drives a car in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.[BRL]

There I said it…

I am familiar with my Miranda rights and I type these words cognizant of the possible ramifications.

Although this is fantasy in its greatest form, everyone has to have a dream or a goal.

Let’s pretend that I am serious….no wait….I AM serious.

Let’s just PRETEND that I’ll go thru with it.

I want to go “monster truck style” down Interstate 10 thru BRL between Hwy 415, across the Mississippi River Bridge, past the Interstate 12 interchange all the way to Exit 173 in Geismar.

Either direction…..East or west, I don’t care.   Both ways must pay for their insolence….and inbreeding.

Y’all know road rage….when it happens.

Y’all have felt the murderous intent…..when it happens.

Y’all know that some people must die….when it happens.

Y’all know that you would choke the shit outta somebody if you could get away with it….every time it happens….

I think some instances of road rage (RR) should fall under revisions to the legal statutes in the greater state of Louisiana, City of Baton Rouge, Coon-Ass Parrish under a new piece of legislation I am writing for the D.O.T titled; “Justifiable Homicide under the Public Welfare and Good Deeds Act of 2014; Section 1, Paragraph 365.1 subsection 2.0 A.S.S”

You think it’s bad getting RR in a car?

Well, yeah I know it is bad in whatever form it comes.

But try getting RR in a semi-truck….

Oh…..MY….God!

I am a sensitive man.     I cried during the last episode of M.A.S.H.    I just got done crying at that movie “Frozen”…..in front of my nephews……I am a big sissy now according to them!

I WEAR GIRLY PANTS!!!

For me to want to extinguish the life spark of another human being is beyond imagining…..

No it’s not…..I can imagine a lot.

I named my blog “Imagine” after all.

I am a sick bastard……I can think up all kinds of shit.

That’s why all you crazy people follow my blog! ; P    SHAME……..

Why does my big rig have turn signals?

Is it an indication that I may want to……turn?      Change lanes….?

Noooo…..It means for 4-wheelers (4ws) to speed the fuck up and pass me before I do anything rash like….Let someone enter traffic from an entrance ramp.

Wait! How about hurrying up and getting around me only to slam on the brakes, make the 18 wheeler weighing 40 tons fail to come to a complete stop, then take the exit ramp right in front of him and having your mother called a bitch!

You…Son of a bitch…..

I’m sorry that I said a wordy durd but BRL is to blame.

Those people have NO IDEA what lurks in the hearts of men….Neither does The Shadow.

He don’t know me….

I’m going to snap one day.

I can see it now:

Headlines!

“Psychotic Trucker goes Bat Shit in Baton Rouge!”

Do you know why truckers want to move over from vehicles or people on the shoulders of the road?

Because if not, a vehicle can be blown off a jack while some poor fella or girl (yeah, like that shits gonna happen) is changing a tire.

It’s happened….    I’VE SEEN IT

Because people can be sucked under a trailer like a vacuum after the truck passes by.

It’s happened…. I SAW THE AFTERMATH OF A CYCLIST AND A HITCH-HIKER MEETING THAT GRISLY FATE.

The other terrible part?

Is when the poor trucker that was involved realizes what just happened.

One died of a heart attack right there in front of us on the side of the interstate.

The other driver wrecked his truck and died in the crash, as did the woman that was in the sleeper berth.

The fire spread too quickly, we couldn’t get them out in time.

I won’t even tell you what happened to the biker…..

God….the smell.        The blood trail……..

That’s why I beg all of you 4ws, that when you see a vehicle on the side of a road and you are about to pass a semi, slow down and let the driver move over.

It might cost you 10 seconds….Instead of costing someone else a forever.

The longest red light I have ever encountered was 2.5 minutes.

Eggs take longer to cook….

Here’s a challenge: Next time you’re at a red light, time it.

Next time you have to wait for someone to go by or the way is clear, so that you can proceed, time it.

I was taught this a long time ago. In normal everyday situations we never wait more than 2 minutes, and a little less than a minute waiting for traffic to clear.

Yes, I’m like you, sometimes I am in a hurry and these durations seem interminable.

But after I learned the times I noted above, I felt silly and stupid.

How much longer does time seem to a man IN a bathroom stall or the guy WAITING to get in the stall, when it is a minute either way?    Both have pressing business, so it’s relevant.

If y’all take this challenge I swear that you won’t get as impatient or take as many risks behind the wheel.

I tell you this as a professional driver with over 2 million miles of experience in The US and Canada.

I’ve learned a few things.

Here is a refresher for all my followers:

1. Aim High in Steering

Look 15 seconds into your future. (Don’t just look at the vehicle in front of you, look at all of them!)

2. Get the Big Picture

Look for Hazards. (Other Motorists, Pedestrians, Vehicle doors opening, debris on road surface)

3. Keep Your Eyes Moving

Don’t stare. (Use your peripheral vision)(Stop the fixed habit stare)

4. Leave Yourself an Out

Monitor the space cushion around you and your car or bike. Keep a car length between you and the car ahead of you when stopped. Always leave enough space to escape if you have to.

5. Make Sure They See You

Use your signals- (Directionals, 4-Way Flashers, Head Lights, Brake Lights,

Horn, Hand Signals) Make Eye Contact.

 

6. Buy a freaking Bluetooth Headset!!!!!!!

7. Auto-Reply for texts and calls while driving!!!!

*****When following a semi-truck, leave at least 2-3 truck lengths between you and the rig at 65mph.

If you can’t see the driver’s mirrors, he can’t see you!

Don’t run up on his bumper then try to pass, then get mad if he changes lanes just as you do. There could be something ahead of him that you can’t see and he changed lanes because he couldn’t see you.

That’s why the jaws of life were invented.

Have you ever seen the damage a passenger car causes to a semi trailer when they run up under the back of it?

I have….

Too many times…….

It causes hardly any damage….to the semi-trailer.

It might pop a tire, but you just ran under 40 tons at 65 mph.

They’re gonna use a shovel and garden hose to clean you up.

I’ve heard drivers say that they never felt it when it happened and they kept going down the road until someone flagged them down or hollered at them on the CB….

Dragging poor Suzie’s head down the interstate……

You’re dead…..forever.

Last good advice……

When in doubt….Get off the fucking accelerator.

The few seconds you lose won’t kill you…..

Someone else will though.

Please be careful when you drive.

And watch out for us poor truck drivers. We’re not all perfect by any means, but most of us are true professionals and care about our jobs.

We don’t like running over people.

We don’t like to see it.

Trust me on this…..

P.S I’m sorry this has been a little graphic, but I got the shit scared out of me today by a girl on a cell-phone. She doesn’t know how close she came to dying today.

 

You’re Trucker Blogger Friend,