Damn Lazy Bone


Damn….

I woke up in a good mood again.Image

Unfortunately my lazy bone that is connected to my ass bone connected to my leg bone is infected.

Thus drawing to the conclusion that I must not do anything today.

You shouldn’t take your health for granted.

But some of us out here have to work for a living.

I can’t be sitting around all day searching blogs, reading posts, writing witty and hard cutting edge stories like the rest of you blogosphere scum.

I wish I could be rich and just hang out in the Land of WordPressia all day, listening to my money grow.

You know who you are….

….I love you though.

Anywho….

The sun has come up again……That’s always a good sign.

There are jet-liner contrails criss-crossing against the sky in every direction.

I don’t see any black ones with a ball of fire at the front of it, so that’s good too.

There is a little dog of some type that is taking care of its morning constitutional hence reminding me “Don’t walk on the grass” as the sign says.   

“Achtung! Hundescheiße!”Image

I have absolutely no idea what subject I am writing about this morning or any under-lying theme I won’t to convey.

I am just writing what I see, and what pops into my head as I see it.

I found everything that I was looking for this morning.

Keys, cell phone, deodorant, watch etc.,

I have found that putting everything that I will need the next morning in the driver seat of my truck combats the early onset of dementia that seems to plague me every once in a while…..

What was I saying….?     OH…..

My laptop battery indicator thingee just told me that I need a new battery.

I think battery manufacturers, oil companies and pharmaceutical companies have the secrets to their products that would let them last forever, but they put limits on the recipes so that we have to continually keep replenishing them.

Think about it…..

Nobody was jogging until Nike invented the jogging shoe.

Business 101…Create the need.

No men had erectile dysfunction until Viagra came around.

ImageHere’s my evidence:

Read any romance novel or dirty book from 10 years ago, I’m just guessing when Viagra hit the market,  Every single time the man “Thrust his manhood” the woman gasped!Image

Now….”Did you take your pill honey?” As she “Thrust the blue tablet deep into his throat!”

The man gasped as his blood pressure spiked and his vision dimmed!

Thus creating the need for blood pressure medicine to control his elevated dystolic and systolic levels….

Eyeglasses for his poor vision….

Buying the batteries for mom’s “little helper”…..She’s so tense sometimes…..

Testosterone injections to combat his hair loss from the anxiety and Xanax to combat the anxiety….

Depression medication to ward off the feelings of inadequacy

Buying gas for the trip to the ER….

Emergency room visits for an erection lasting more than 4 hours….Image

Can you see it now?

The evil wheel turns…..

That made me laugh….

That’s always a good thing.

I guess I better get my ass in gear and go make some coffee.

I have to do a little bit of laundry today.

I don’t want to but I must.

Getting’ a little gamey if you know what I mean…..

………..tick…….tock

I haven’t moved since typing that last line for almost 5 minutes.

I feel so lazy this morning.

I’m trying to reinforce the belief that it is a sin to do anything on Sunday.

But for us truckers Sunday is just the day that comes before Monday.

Okay…..I’m going.

It’s just so far to the coffee pot.

It’s almost 8 feet…..

…..tick…..tockImage

[5 more minutes pass as I sit here with a blank expression on my face, looking out into the morning trying to summon up the desire to move]

Ah….Screw it. I’ll do the laundry next week.

I’ll just buy some new underwear and socks tomorrow.

Okay….I’m really going this time.

Coffee is a necessity….

But it’s just so far to walk to the coffee pot…..

Lazy bastard….

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s