I’m fading fast.
I can feel it.
I ran out of my medicines 5 or 6 days ago before I started my time off.
I’ve never really been a clock-work medicine taker. I use an app on my phone to remind me to take it.
I’m terrible about getting into bed then hearing the reminder go off and lie there and think “Dang, I have to reach almost 3 feet to get the medicine….piss on it, it won’t kill me”.
You know what?
I feel better than I did on the medicine.
When I first thought that I might need medicine, it was because my vision was getting blurry. It actually changed overnight. One day I could see….the next day, I couldn’t.
I couldn’t read road signs and such until they were about 100 yards away. The lights on vehicles were fuzzy and looked like little furry triangles instead of one hazy blob. Someone coming towards me at night, their lights would blind me and make me nervous about where the center line was, or the shoulder line too for that matter.
When a vehicle or flashing lights from a traffic signal would come up, I would have to put on my sunglasses to cut down on the glare. If it was a wet night and I had the glare from the road and the vehicles to deal with, I felt like I was driving thru an acid trip.
Bad way to be in an 80,000 lb vehicle….
I won’t lie.
At the time I weighed a svelte 292 lbs, and was having to pee every 30 minutes!
When I went to the clinic and told them my symptoms they ran blood tests and other stuff.
My blood pressure was high, and my glucose was over 400!
They gave me an insulin shot right then.
“Oh shit” I thought. “I’m gonna lose my job driving a truck.”
You can’t drive a big rig if you’re on injectable insulin, or your blood sugar can’t be maintained with diet changes.
I can’t blame anyone but myself.
I ate candy and chocolate all the time.
I ate anything sweet I could get my hands on.
I was drinking, at the least, 2 -3 44oz Pepsi’s a day, if not more!
Though now, I have cut out 90% of the sugar levels I am usually stuffing down my gullet.
Thank God and Wal-Mart for having plenty of selections of awesome sugar-free candies.
I spent $146 on that diet/meal replacement stuff from GNC that I told y’all about yesterday.
I started the regimen this morning and I am already starving to death.
The little Omega 3 chewables that are disguised as Starburst fruit flavors are the only thing that is stopping me from biting thru my own wrists and ending it all.
I have to eat a banana with my Diet/Replacement shakes. It appears that I have to have something lumpy in my belly so it thinks it’s doing something.
Oh, back to the medicine….
I can see clearly now, the meds are gone.
I can see.
I still need my reading glasses, but I’ve needed those for a while.
But, lights aren’t flared and I can read signs from a ways off now.
Right now, all I see is freezing rain and stupid Mardi Gras party people out in it….
I actually bought bottled water this morning.
I spent money on water….
I hate water.
I bought me some flavor thingees from GNC to make the water taste better or fool my body into thinking it’s getting some sugar.
My body is very needy and has a fear of bulimia I think.
I’m gonna start drinking Diet Coke for my cola cravings, but only when my will breaks down.
I weigh 252 lbs as of right now. My Blood sugar is a little high, about 150, but it’s a lot lower than usual of late.
I think that I can control this stuff by ceasing to be a disgusting fat body and eating healthy or healthiER.
My choices for sustenance out here on the road are very limited.
Fried, kinda fried or almost thought about frying it.
Truck stops love to sell fried chicken, tornados, burritos, pork egg rolls, potato logs, hot dogs, nachos or yada yada yada.
I love me some onion rings or tater-tots….
Oh shit, I’m gonna die…..I’M SO FREAKING HUNGRY!!!
I HAVE NO WILL POWER!!!
Okay, I’m good now….
I love eating that fried stuff.
But Kayseri Kayseri, I can’t eat it anymore.
I will indulge myself once a week up to 2000 calories, that’s it.
Maybe that will keep me from losing my freaking mind and not being found curled up in the back of a Baskin-Robbins store in the cooler, naked, eating Playdo Ice cream with a balloon tied to my wanker.
“Just let me die!” I’ll scream!
By all that is holy and SHAZAAM!! i swear…..No more Subway!
If Big Jared lived for a whole year on Subway sandwiches it’s because he’s insane, or was born with no taste buds.
I’m so sick of Subway, that’s all you see in truck stops anymore.
The chopped salads suck….
Their meat all tastes the same….
If I get anything from SlumWay, I get the Veggie Delight.
I load it up with every veggie that is available and stuff it on the Wheat bread.
I put mustard or chipotle or lite mayo on it and you could never tell there was no meat.
I swear to God you couldn’t tell!
The chopped salads just taste weird…. I think it’s because when they chop it up they bruise the spinach and lettuce leaves and it changes the flavor.
Does that make any sense?
If I have to eat one more Meatball Marinara on Italian Parmesan bread with olives, pepper rings and jalapenos….
Oh my God, I’m losing it!
Only one more hour until my banana and shake will be ready.
I can’t FUCKING wait…..