Being Grown Up Sucks

When I was a kid, growing up on a pig farm in South Georgia, our ‘farm’ and home were surrounded by big fields of peanuts, corn, Imagesilage and soybeans.

After a good rain, we kids of the white trash persuasion and a few children of darker hue would head out into the fields and look for rain water that would pool up in certain low spots of these fields and go swimming.

Not only were some of these pools 3’ to 4’ deep, but they would also have a slimy purple, pink, gold and silver sheen to them…..

Insecticide….Pesticide….fertilizer….chemical and anal….(Horse poop goofy)

We didn’t know that then….We just thought it made the water pretty.

We’d swim in it all day!

We got it in our eyes… our noses….spit it at each other, probably had pee in it too.

Tusslin’ and fightin’, playin’ Civil War or Indians….Pushing each other down, dunking each other under the shiny water…..

……Good times.

The best of times…..

Then we would walk home, take a bath, eat supper and go to bed, dream about doing it all over again in the morning.

Couldn’t sleep….

Couldn’t wait….

Didn’t glow in the dark….No extra eyes or legs….Not sterile….


I’m a fat middle class white guy, starving from a diet, with high blood pressure.

I just walked thru a water puddle on an asphalt parking lot and got both my feet wet and almost shit my pants.

I bolted for the truck, kicked off my sneakers and proceeded to dry off my feet, wipe them down with some baby wipes and rubbed hand sanitizer all over them, between the piggy’s and put on a fresh pair of socks.

I put baby powder in my extra pair of dry shoes, slipped the shoes on….


There ain’t no tellin’ WHAT was in that damn water!

That’s when I thought of this post:

I a big fat girly man now…..

How much things have changed.

How resilient and indestructible we were as kids.

How soft I am now….literally.

Scared of living…..dying.

We never thought about that stuff back then.

We were gonna live forever and girls had cooties.Image

My parents would have had to torture me to death to get me to eat broccoli….

Now I love the shit….

What’s up with that…?

If my kids had done some of the things I had done when I was their age, and I had seen them do it…..

I’d had a heart attack right there and died….

Climbing trees like I did?      HELL NO!!!

Eating strange berries in the woods because they looked good?   It’s amazing I’m alive.  I’ll have to tell you about the ‘pokeberry’ happening sometime….wandering around naked, following little animals around, throwing rocks at the moon….

It was the 70’s man….

Sneaking up on a snake to catch it……?   That’s when I’d have the heart attack.

Jumping bikes off clay hills or 2×6’s propped up on a cinder block or two.…?  It’s a miracle I had any children at all….

And here I am….. A scared old man……worried about a water puddle in a parking lot.Image

Being grown up sucks sometimes…..

5 thoughts on “Being Grown Up Sucks”

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