It was a long time ago, and no…
It never feels like it was just yesterday.
It feels like it was a long time ago, on the other side of the mist that hides so many of my past memories.
But I can still feel it….how it was then, is how it is now.
Memories of my mind are not required….muscle memories are not required.
It is only my heart memories, my nose memories and my lung memories that have never forgotten.
I loved her so much that it caused my heart to fill with love juice.
I couldn’t breathe when I pressed my lips in her hair.
She smelled like flowers…..
I loved her so much that it made my heart beat, to march to a different drummer.
I couldn’t breathe when I would wake up in the morning and her head was on my chest, her leg thrown over mine….the smooth curve of her hip glowing from the warm sunlight that bathed our bed.
The sunlight smelled like flowers…..
I loved her so much that it would make my heart stop when she would laugh and call me silly….”Quit staring at me” she would giggle.
Then my heart would start beating again and the love juice would make me high.
I couldn’t breathe when she would hold my hand, swinging our arms. She would try to get me to skip with her down the sidewalk as if though we were just kids….
We were…..just kids at first.
Everything smelled like flowers…..
I remember falling in love once…..
I think it has only happened to me the one time.
I believe that it’s supposed to be that way.
My heart would beat fast when she would pick blackheads off my face as I lay my head in her lap. She would smack me on the cheek and call me a sissy when I would scream like a girl…..
She was so mean to me in her sweet way, but my heart didn’t care. It knew I was a sissy.
I couldn’t breathe when I watched her.
I couldn’t breathe when I thought of her.
I couldn’t breathe when I was close to her because I didn’t want to use up air that she might need.
I can’t breathe now, when I think of her for too long now…..So many years later
My breath and heart would stop when she would walk up to me and just press her forehead to my chest, and slowly wrap her arms around me.
It makes me cry even now…..from older eyes does my love juices fall.
My tears smell like flowers…..
My memories of her smell like falling snow.
My memories of our young love, ignorant of the world, tastes like summer rain.
My memories make me catch my breath, and my heart beats and skips faster…..
It hurt like hell….
Man….did it hurt like hell.
I remember falling in love….
It was a long time ago.
It only happens once in a lifetime….
Love is flowers, falling snow and summer rain…..
Love is holding hands, playing footsies and killing a spider in the tub.
I am truly blessed….
I have been loved once by another.
A long time ago……
She still takes my breath away, that long ago love.
My first love…..my first passion.
My first real heart beat.
My first real breath.
My first flower…..
My last breath will whisper her name…..My final declaration that I am taking her ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
She will travel on my last breath.
I had no idea that it would last forever.
Forever…..and the day after that.