Kid Stuff


I once had a dog named Tyson…
He bit me.

I once had a frog named Todd…
He pissed on me.

I once had a cat named Loopy….
She buried me.

I once had a parakeet named Bird..
She couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.

I once had a pet rock named Flintstone…
He jumped thru the window and I got blamed for it.

I once had a fish named Percy… Or was it Petunia…..?
It moved to San Francisco….

It once took me almost 45 years to get a grip

I shot my own toe with a bb gun because I didn’t believe my mom when she said it would hurt.
It did…..

My face stayed that way for 5 days once….

I didn’t jump off the cliff after my friends did.
I was already at the bottom with the first aid kit.

“Shit or get off the pot!”
I bet they’re sorry for saying that now….

Idle hands are not the Devils workshop….
That would be Penthouse forum…

The boogeyman kept us all in line…
I used to play stuntman when I was little.
I’d run into trees…
I’d run into walls…
I’d crash my bike…
I’d jump off our roof without a net or air bag.
I’d pee on the electric fence…
You haven’t had it until 120 volts rocks your world….

I’m tired.
I’m bored.
I just wanted to ramble a little bit and get some of you thinking about how we made it thru childhood basically unscathed.

Oh…. Don’t light your poots.
It never works out in the “end”.
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