Full Of Myself Again….Again

I had to deal with a Verizon customer service rep this morning….

The modem usage for my laptop had expired without me realizing it due to the fact that I don’t like the auto-pay feature that they offer.

It never works on the same day of the month and sometimes it double charges me.

Bitch, bitch, bitch…..

I know….

It’s only Wednesday, but you gotta understand how much I depend on this modem, how much Y’ALL depend on my modem.

The responsibility I have for making my daily posts (or two) available to my followers and the occasional ‘newbie’ is critical and daunting.

For the AVERAGE man….

However, for me…?    It is my duty.

I know how much y’all count on me brightening your morning or day.

I know how much y’all crave my talent and abilities…plural.

“C’mon man….just gimme $2 worth of Trey’s stories. I’m hurtin’ man!”

Check that….I cannot possibly know how much y’all need me and worship the ground I’m thinking about walking on.

That level of admiration and lust is something I wake up with everyday, and live with each moment.

I know how much “I” love and adore me, but even with my other-worldly grasp of most everything, there’s no way I can comprehend the desires of your souls.

Your depravity is alarming.

But I like it!

It runs so deep…..

I know that as you read my stories and thoughts that you are slowly undressing me in your minds….

Well, most of you can’t slowly undress me….You HAVE TO rip my clothes off and ravage me….slap me around…call me a spank monster….

[Breathing heavily….]

[Breath slowing….]

See what I mean…?

Y’all are soo needy.

But I understand.

I would worship me against my own will.

I would lead an uprising against myself, demanding more awesomeness and handsomeness than is standard fare.

I would declare war on myself, demanding more of the talent that I so humbly pontificate.

I don’t really know what ‘pontificate’ means or if it is used correctly in this instance, but I know you are not surprised by my blatant misuse of….words. You will forgive me as usual and say “He’s so cutting edge, I know exactly what he’s trying to say”.

Sheep….

I have to be careful though.

I can’t just, all at once, pour out all of the awesomeness and talent that I am capable of producing at a seconds notice.

Spoonfuls…..

[Scene]

A dim smoky room scattered with plush futons and lots of pillows.

The people lying on the futons are in an almost euphoric drugged state.

An old, blind Chinese monk walking from person to person, swapping pages of stories that they have just finished with one’s that they MUST read now.

We’ll call it….A “Trey Den”.

[End scene]

I am thankful that y’all love me so much.

I feel your pain.

I have an idea of how much y’all need my modem to work, and I am trying to rectify the situation.

But this freaking Verizon CSR, whose Pakistani accent is named Dave, is taking his sweet time.

He doesn’t understand how much y’all depend on me.

He has no idea that you want to rip my clothes off and ravage me….slap me around…call me a spank monster….and a dirty bird…..

[Breathing heavily]

Was it good for you too?

Of course I am…..