Brain Farts

This is pretty much self-explanatory.

We all have them….

They keep us humble….or embarrassed to claim that we are willing participants and/or members of the ‘dominant’species on this earth.

…for now.

I guess that’s why I like to watch funny animal videos.

If they’re doing stupid crap too, then I don’t feel so bad.

Hmmm…Animals don’t jump out of a perfectly good airplane though…..on purpose.

Think about it….

When I start drinking out of the toilet, I’ll get back with you.

Come to think about it, I have gotten bored and torn up all the toilet paper.

Brain farts help remind us that we are not as far removed from apes as we originally supposed.

Don’t freak out Jesus people…..I’m a Jesus fan too!

Although, bumping a woman on the head with a club and dragging her to my cave kinda turns me on….

Man it’s hot in here all of a sudden….

….allergies.

So, I thought this would be kinda fun by asking y’all for one of your either, daily brain farts, a recurring one that just follows you around like a ……fart, or a notorious BFart that surprised you that you were still alive to tell about it later….

In my case, as goofy and clumsy as I can be, each day is a life and death struggle.

Let me begin with mine….

1) Do not wipe your eyes while eating Cheeto’s.

Visine makes it worse.

…much worse.

Some kind of chemical reaction that makes my eyes very angry….

2) Open a door, hit my foot, door smacks me in the beak, causing my nose to run, eyes to water and tongue to be bitten.

…and take the name of the Lord our God in vain….

Easy there Jesus people….

3) Walk out the front door and forget about the steps….

.Oh how the mighty have fallen….over and over.

4) Roll over in bed to grab the phone or hit the alarm clock, miss it, fall out of bed, dragging the spouse with you.

That….is funny as hell!

5) Go pee in the middle of the night and forget to raise the lid, or pee on the floor next to the potty, then rediscover the fact in the morning….after the spouse finds it first.

Don’t lie….

That’s…not so funny.

6) Look for your keys for 20 minutes and then they miraculously appear in your pocket. POOF!

I swear to God they weren’t there a minute ago!

7) Forgetting how to walk while walking.

You know what I mean, that goofy little hitch that you get while walking, right before the thought flashes thru your mind “Oh SHIT! What the…!” Then you turf it!!

I can see it in my minds-eye….hands cart-wheeling, eyes wide, look of bewilderment tinged with acceptance of the inevitability, mouth agape, all the shit in your hands flying everywhere…….

Bahahahaha!!

Because you know it only happens when our hands are full!

I hate that when it happens, but it’s funny as hell afterwards ain’t it? I mean, unless you break something on your body….

Screws up the whole “Walk and chew bubble-gum thingee doesn’t it!?

Muwahahahaha! That’s funnier than hell!!

Dominant species my ass…..

Shooo….This is fun!

Making myself laugh rocks!

I woke up kinda grumpy this morning too, now I feel better.

Here’s one more, then I’ll let y’all consider yours…

8) Writing an entire post or filling out a mega-form online….then deleting it.

Your mind just goes blank, and you hit the “Yes I want to delete without saving button”

I can hear the “NOOOOOOOO’s!!!”

That……is demonic possession…..

Okay….your turn…..