Toot My Horn!


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I smell great!

I love showers.

I love hot water, high volume, high velocity.

The kind of water force where you don’t need soap or a scrunchy and you actually have to brace yourself against the stall to keep from being knocked down.

The blast of H2O just tears the dirt and dead skin off your body, leaving you as pink as a babies butt!

I guess that’s why I only shower twice a week.

Too much of a good thing ruins the stew.

I love the anticipation of seeing my big hunky dirty body in the mirror and know that in a minute or two I will once again be able to see the true color of my skin and eventually I will be able to get a comb thru my hair once again.

I know that I am killing millions of my cells, and its somewhat disturbing to hear their little screams and gurglings as they spin down the drain, their little cell fingers clinging to the edge, their little cell eyes looking up at me….pleading….

Good thing I’m self-absorbed, it might actually make me sad if I dwelt on it.

But I know they will live again in one form or another as they reach the water treatment facilities or a Cul-de’sac near you.

[Wiping tear from my eye]

Maybe you should look a little closer at the little floaty thingees in your next glass of water and think “Trey is sharing himself with me”

You are welcome.

I complete you….20130927_163919

I just laughed at myself.

I am so full of shit sometimes it’s amazing. LOL!

But it’s fun right…?!

I smell wonderful. I am squeaky clean.

I smell so good I might even ask myself out on a date, get myself drunk and take advantage of me…..

No….I don’t need to get myself drunk all facts considered.

I tend to be loose and kind of a tart.

I’m easily fooled by flattery and will believe everything I tell myself. I know that I am lying to myself and am just trying to get myself into a compromising position where a video camera may or may not be involved.

YouTube must be fed….

But, I’m just so damn sexy!  My eyes look so honest….

Dirty dirty Trey….downloadspank

Oh, someone told me that my posts are too long and that people lose interest in them before they finish it.

Well I say “BURN IN HELL!”

My 20 loyal followers beg to differ, or else they’re just a sorry lot that have nothing else to do.

Hmmm….

The important thing is that they stroke my ego.

I love it when people stroke my ego, it’s so soft and pliable.

Grrrrrrr….

Dang, my vision got blurry for a second.

So, since this mean person is trying to inhibit my ego stroking needs and deny my followers their just desserts, I will keep this one relatively short.

You know I am awesome…

I KNOW I am awesome.

But lets not beat that dead horse.

Facts are facts….

By the by, baby shampoo does burn your eyes, field tested.

My coffee is making me sweat.

I love it when my body is all shiny and glistening.6a00d8341bf90553ef0133ed23234d970b-800wi-picsay

I kind of look like one of those Buddha doorstops you see in a Chinese restaurant.

I am in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina this morning and it is cloudy….Damn.

Just my luck….

Me and God have got to get our shit together and start making sure that when I am this close to the beach that the sun is always shining and the waves are “Gnarly Bra”.

I’ve got to get some tan on these things, I’m tired of airplanes circling me when I’m outside, mistaking me for a landing light.

I spoken with God about this before, but it seems he likes his ego stroked too and needs me to check in with him on a daily basis, not just when I want lottery numbers.

I can understand that….

Okay, I’m outta here.

I must deliver this load of bathroom tile before someone dies.

I have re-furbished bathrooms before, I know how stressful it can be.

Y’all have a good Monday and make sure you have plenty of liquor before you go to work so you don’t run out before lunch.

Yeah yeah, I love you too…..20131012_072641

9 thoughts on “Toot My Horn!”

  1. Where do you find showers with that much pressure? Here, in southern California, we have shower heads that grudgingly spit out a gently spray. They want us to conserve on water, but it takes longer to get a decent flow and that is using more water. Somehow, this does not compute. Well, come to think of it, a lot of things don’t.

  2. Just an observation from my side of the world: the picture of the muscle guy, well…you would fit it better if you shaved your head. Nothing looks better than a muscle guy with a shiny head. As for the rest, yeah, your clean, get over yourself. LOL

    Peace & Love

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