When my wife had a seizure 5 minutes after I had dropped her off at work it made me do a lot of soul searching.
You tend to soul search sitting beside a hospital bed.
All the beeping and wheezing of the monitors are somehow….spirit numbing.
I walked the halls alone while my wifes monitors followed me…”You’re next…You’re next…”
“You’ll never see me coming…”
I am not a happy man….
I am almost 50 years old.
I am tired of being tired.
I want the next 50 years to be my best.
I want to be me….for a change.
Do I even remember me?
How long has it been since I saw me last?
What if…..I never get a chance to be myself again…..What if….?
Because, as I found out from Sheila’s episode, “What If” could happen at any minute….
To me….to you…..
I have decided that I can no longer live in fear of dying
After all the years of trials and heartaches, I have discovered that I am dying to live for this change….
I am fortunate that I have what I have and that I can become the master of my own destiny.
I have a lot more than a lot of people….
Thank God I realize it now.
But my hole seems so deep….
And my back seems so bent….
However, I can see a light at the top of the hole.
What if I can’t get a grip on things?
What if I can’t seem to get a foot-hold onto a promising step?
What if….What if…..What if…..What if…..?
I dwell on religion….
I dwell on my job…
I am awake….
I am aware….
I am a searching man in this wilderness of mirrors.
I have been looking for so long for a quiet mind…
It seems like forever.
I am almost half a century old.
It is time to grow up and change me…
I believe that if I become engrossed in life and taken up with the joyful and charitable application of life….
What if….I do live forever…?