Funny Factual Famous Folks


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I wonder what it was like when there weren’t any houses, cars, buildings, airplanes, fences, dams, telephone poles, wind generators….you know, before we cluttered everything up,  before “civilization” .

How scared do you think Christopher Columbus was in the middle of the ocean on a ship the size of my semi-truck?

I freaked out when I saw that the ‘Pinta’ was only 50’ long! My big truck is 65’ long!

"Burn in...YACK....hell you Dago bastard!"
“Burn in…YACK….hell you Dago bastard!”

The ‘Pinta’ was approximately 4’ wider than my truck, but try to imagine 20-26 sailors living on that ship for the voyage.

Ocean faring romances…?

These guys sailed across an ocean on a boat the size of a big rig, with no real idea where they were heading or how long they would be at sea….

Crazy bastards…

What about Lewis and Clark seeing Native Americans for the first time as the “Indians” rode up to them on their horses, wearing war paint and hooting their battle cries….

“What’s that smell?” asks Lewis

“I believe I’ve shat my pants” replied Clark

"I don't see any rest areas"
“I don’t see any rest areas”

“Don’t show any fear, Clark” whispers Lewis

“Clark…?   Clark….? What the…?”

I don’t blame him…

” Run Tonto!”
“Tonto…? ”

What about the Wright brothers?

“Are you nuts Orville, have you lost your mind! I ain’t getting on that damn thing, you fly it!!” cries Wilbur.

“Sissy…I dare ya! ” says Orville

History….

Madame Curie:

“I want to find out if radium is harmful before we tell people about it” says Madame

“We should wait until our hair grows back, Marie; in case they want to take pictures of us” says her husband

"It kinda tickles..."
“It kinda tickles…”

Robert Oppenheimer:

BOOM!

“Holy shit, is it supposed to do that! That’s fucked up!!”

“Do you think it’ll catch the atmosphere on fire!?” asks a scientist

"AAIIIIEEEE!!!""
“Flap bitch! FLAP!!!!!””

Blank stare….shoulder shrug

“What’s that smell Bob?”

John Glenn:

“10….9….8….7….”

“Wait Houston! I gotta pee!”

“6….5…..4…..” Rockets ignite

“Never mind Houston”

"I gotta poop"
“I gotta poop”

Amelia Earhart:

“You didn’t bring the damn map!” says she

“I know where we’re going” replies her male co-pilot.

Moses:

“I’m telling you, that bush spoke to me….that one right there! The one next to those mushrooms!”

"You left WHAT!?"
“You left WHAT!?”

“Okay crazy man, whatever you say…Now, put your pants back on and let’s get back to the party” sayeth Aaron

Thomas Edison:

CLICK!

“Holy shit, it is supposed to do that!?”ask the helper.

Edison shrugs….” Hell, I don’t know, I guess….”

Noah:

“Who brought these damn mosquitoes and roaches!?”

"What do you mean the Unicorns are gay?!"
“What do you mean the Unicorns are gay?!”

General Custer:

“Sir! We’re surrounded sir!” screams a private

“No shit…”

“What’s that smell sir?”

“Iiiiii…don’t know what you’re talking about”

Sir Edmund Hillary:

“Jesus, it’s cold as hell up here!”

"But what does it do...?"
“But what does it do…?”

The Pilgrims:

“Are you gonna eat that?”

“Hell no!”

“I think I’m gonna puke!”

“Is that pork!?”

Neil Armstrong:

“Oh Jesus, oh Jesus, oh Jesus….What the fuck am I doing in this thing?!”

The Alamo:

“Man, look at all them Mexicans” says Jim Bowie

“I’ll go get some help, we’re at theeee…. Alamo right?!” says Davy Crockett

“Better write it down, I can’t remember it either” said Bowie.

Last but not least….

Jesus:

“CRUCIFY!!??   Crucify!!??  What the hell do they mean, CRUCIFY!!??”

"But, it's in Latin...."
“But……it’s in Latin.”

One thought on “Funny Factual Famous Folks”

  1. When was the last time you slept? Thought so. You mind is working way overtime. Just like mine did the other night wondering about Arnold Schwarzenegger’s career, and where he could go from being all the things he has been. Yeah, I needed sleep too.

    Peace & Love

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