Things That Piss Me Off!!!

Not in any particular order….

It’s all about the timing.

Women that do not refill the ice trays and put them back in the freezer with one cube left.

I’M NOT EVEN GONNA START ABOUT THE PEANUT BUTTER!!!

420 empty shampoo and soap bottles, 1 half empty or half full depending on your outlook, in the shower. (Honey Biscuit….Lacy?)

Oh! How many freaking scrunchies do  1 1/2 women really need!??

Clothes on the bathroom floor. I pee on them out of spite and retribution. (Honey Biscuit….Lacy?)

Women that need help with reaching things and opening jars. Ever heard of cans or ladders?

Women that have no sense of humor at 5 am when Daddy wakes up in a good mood and wants to play the tickle game. (You know who you are)

Women that leave food in the refrigerator until it becomes self aware and needs money for college.

Women that won’t take out the garbage when I don’t feel like it for a week or two.

Woman that doesn’t understand that sometimes I just want to cuddle. All that ripping and tearing and heavy breathing……(Honey Biscuit….?)

Women that cry over stupid movies and make fun of me when I get something in my eye during that death scene in “The Notebook”. I hate that movie……stupid dead people….why’d he have to die too!? Why couldn’t they have lived longer!? Why’d she have to leave him that one time!? Whhhyyyyy!!!???

People that have NO IDEA how to color their hair and end up looking like a Jackson Pollock painting. (Lacy…?)

Woman that wears faded, bleach stained pink sweat pants and green tee shirts to bed…..and striped socks….

Woman that wears her bra to bed because she says that she’s too tired to take it off, making it harder for Daddy to get his groove going….

Woman that says she’s too tired after the Viagra kicks in.

Girl that screams at me when I sit on her and fart.

Girl with no sense of humor

Girl that bites and scratches Daddy.

Woman that forgot to get band-aids and antibiotic cream.

Woman that tells me I deserved it.

Woman that comes to bed naked and Daddy is too tired…..What!? It happens…!

Woman that bites and scratches Daddy. Oooooo….Now we’re talking!

Woman that has no understanding of foreplay. 30 seconds, tops!s

Women that don’t lift the lid FOR ME when they’re done. Quid Pro Quo….

Girl that steals the batteries out of the TV remotes for her crap.

Women that don’t understand that sometimes Daddy wants to be right about something, JUST ONCE FOR GOD SAKES!!!!

Women that need to eat 3 times a day…..or more.

Women that need hot water, electricity, a house, water, weekly garbage collection, Direct TV, toilet paper, “girl stuff”, more shampoo and soap, more food, date night, “us” time; violent, hot, animal murder sex, training bras that can’t be trained, stupid ass movies that get shit in my eyes, infinitum…..

Why do they call them training bras?

Women that don’t grasp the concept that, flowers and that damned dog, need food and water to live….

Women that can’t follow simple directions on where to scratch.

Women that leave Daddy alone in the house…by himself….alone….by himself.

Women that scream at me when it’s the appropriate time to quit tickling them. I inform them that when they pee on themselves, I’ll stop. I know how to tickle, dammit!

Women that, get mad when I hold them down and lick their face

Women that don’t understand what it’s like to be an aggravating asshole….

Women that only tell me they love me 10 times a day.

Stupid ass movie…

God! I hate “The Notebook”