Call P.E.T.A

One of my favorite chats with the pooch from last year!


“Can I go outside?’


Why not?

It’s too cold.



Pretty please?

I said, No… That’s final.

I have to poop.

No, you don’t.

Yes, I do.

No, you don’t, you just pooped in the laundry room.

No I didn’t…

Uh, yes you did.

It was the cat.

We don’t have a cat.

I meant, the neighbors cat.

We don’t have any neighbors.

Can I please go outside?

I said no.

Louisiana snow


I have to check the mail.

You’re a dog, you don’t get any mail.

I might….

I doubt it.

Why do those squirrels get to go outside?

They live out there.

I live out there.

No, you go out there when you’re in trouble or when I see you get “that look” before you sneak into the laundry room.

I’ll die if you don’t let me go outside.

No you won’t.

Yes, I will….

No you won’t.

I’ll kill myself.



How do dogs kill themselves, exactly?

I’ll run out into traffic.

No, you can’t go outside.

I will run into traffic on a sunny day.

We live in the country, we ain’t got no traffic, at least no one driving over 15 mph.


I’ll run away and never come back.

[Mocking British accent]
“Do me a favor, what”

I mean it, I’ll run away and you’ll never see me again.

Where will you go?




You can’t swim.

Yes, I can.

You don’t even like to take a bath.

I’ll do it, I’ll learn how, I’m desperate. I have to go outside this very minute.

No… It’s too cold.

I’ve never seen snow before.

You’re only 4 months old and you live in Louisiana.

What if it never snows again?

Snow is overrated.

Please? Pretty please, with sugar on top?


You’re a mean, daddy.

Mean Daddy


What’re you doing, are you holding your breath?!

“Mmmh hrba brump”

I didn’t know dogs could hold their breath.

“Mmmh hrba brump”

How long can dogs hold their breath, anyhow?

*GASP* Not very long it appears.

“A” for effort.

I could have died.

Don’t be so dramatic.

I wanna go outside.

I said, no.

I’ll eat you when you get old and feeble.


When Dogs attack!


I’ll call the police.


I’ll scream, “Rape!”

That’s kind of extreme.

I mean it….

How can I rape you, besides it’s against the Bible?

Like you said, “We’re in Louisiana” it could happen.

I said no and I meant it.

I’ll never talk to you, again.


“Why’re you still in bed, Daddy?”

[Couple of moments thought]

I’ll tell you where your keys are…and your wallet.

How long do you need to be outside?

Just a moment….

My keys AND my wallet you say? That’s the deal?

That’s what I’m offering.


I don’t understand why you’re all so blasted set on going out in that damn snow and cold wind, anyways. You’ve never bugged me about going outside like this, before. Why on such a crappy day?

Because, you left your keys and wallet on the hood of the car.


No, I’m lying.

You’re a bad dog.image

Does that mean I have to go outside?

Are you sure you’re not half cat?

11 thoughts on “Call P.E.T.A”

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