Catch Myself


I forget to be grateful.

A woman, hunched over, grunting with pain and effort, her right fist pressed against her chest, walked thru the rain from the doctors office doors to a car waiting at the curb.

It must have taken her 15 minutes to travel 40 feet. 5 of it spent trying to step from the curbing to the flat parking lot surface.

My step daughter and I kept guessing what was wrong with the bent lady, shooting nasty glances at the driver sitting in the car waiting on her. We wondered why he wasn’t helping the poor thing and we cussed him soundly from the snug, dry confines of my little car; only 10 more feet away….And we weren’t helping, either.

The driver watched the lady open the door and get in the car; grunting and gasping as she did. She was so hunched over in the front seat that I could barely make out the back of her head from her window.

Me and Lacy cussed the driver even more. ..on the inside.

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The driver got out of his car, ducking into the rain as he came around to the lady’s side, opened her door a bit and shut it more tightly.

Then, to our ogling dismay, he turned to us, his coat pulled over his head against the downpour, motioning me to roll down my window.

Oh Crap, had he heard our thoughts?

Had he noticed us staring at him and read our lips as we damned his hide?

I shot a quick glance at Lacy, she gave me the “Well, at least you’ll be the first one killed” look as I slowly rolled the window down.

I looked at the man thru the window and rain. He motioned for me to roll the window down further. To have more room to get his hands in and choke the shit out of me or fit the gun thru, I thought in the “Oh Crap, I’ve been caught being an asshole again and the piper needs to be paid before the fat lady quits singing” thought.

“She gets mad if anyone tries to help her!” He shouted thru the rain and 2 inch gap of the window.

I nodded sagely.

He looked at our judgemental faces and accusing eyes for a second longer, then nodded and returned to their car. He got in and said something to the bent lady, glancing at us over her hunched back as he spoke.

The lady’s head turned towards us. She gave a slight smile and then, a little wave.

The car backed out and they were gone.
Lacy and I just sat there and stared ahead at the flapping wipers.

“I feel like a butthole” Lacy said.

“Well, she would have just had to have gotten mad at me because I would have helped her if she been one of my
kinfolk’s” I retorted.

“Why didn’t we help her anyways?” asked Lacy. “We don’t have to be related to help people”

“We don’t know them people, Lacy” “She could have been contagious or something” I blustered.

Then, it happened.

Like it always does.

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My conscience and humanity put its little two cents worth in….

No excuses, What would Jesus do, golden rule, charity, mansions in heaven, Touched by an Angel, Mister goody two-shoes, beggar, ungrateful, cold hearted……human.

Then I remembered the last few days; with my heart stent, ICU time, Mrs. Lady dying and the whole of my woeful past week replaying itself inside my head.

I had forgotten all the promises I made to God when I was scared.

I wasn’t helping my fellow man.
I was being judgemental.
I was being selfish.
I was being…..
The same as before.

You see, it is the doom of Man that we forget.

It is the doom of Man that we judge, unguided and unchastized for righteousness’ sake.

It is the doom of Man that we forget that we are all the same, you and I.

For the good of the many…

One must fall.

For the good of all…

One must lead.

I am a simple man.

I have flaws and faults, skeletons and bridges aflame.

I make rash and stupid decisions and I judge people by their appearance and not their character.

First impressions are almost engraved in stone.

Hmmph….

Maybe all of our bad, wrong first impressions will be engraved in stone, somewhere.

Or maybe, it’ll be in a big book…at the left hand of God.

I forget to be grateful.

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I have forgot to remember

I forget to let God help….

It is the duty of all mankind to remember our Brethren on this earth and the plight and miseries of all, thereof;
To smite the wicked and uplift the meek and mild.

It is our duty to remember our past so it doesn’t keep happening.

Tomorrow is just a word.

Live….

Live.

Live and be grateful.

Live and be helpful.

Do it now.

Tomorrow is just a word.

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