Nothing but the truth.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
It’s a commandment…
It’s a courtesy.
I think the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life, and I’m meaning up to this point; is something that I don’t think will ever happen again….at least not be as disasterous.
I learned how to lie….
I learned how to fib…
I learned how to twist the facts, create instances, cloak and dagger, manipulation by misinformation.
It probably went like this:
“Did you get that candy out of my purse?”
A second more hesitation…
A glance; left and right…
Vigorous shake of the head…
“Nope, I found it on the floor”
Then, another terrible thing happened….
They believed me and I didn’t get in trouble.
I’ll guarantee you that the reason I took to lying so readily, at first, was out of survival instinct; with parents that tended to be a little….overly expressive in their emotions; a kid had to get creative, or fast.
I was creative.
…..Lying helped me to avoid most of the administrations of justice that involved blue and red welts or a nice blood spatter pattern.
Then the other most terrible thing happened…
It kept working…ha! No beatings!
It worked time and time again, you see; all kinds of instances, all kinds of severities and all kinds of years.
The mostest terrible thing…?
I got better at it.
I mean….really, really good at it.
Ha! Free stuff!
I started to believe them myself.
Even now, at 50 years old, there’s probably stuff in my head that I actually believe happened.
Probably, he says….Ha! Hell…who am I trying to kid?
Of course there are lies in my head….
See what I mean, it becomes a habit….Like breath
I know there are lies in my head that I made up at some point in the past and have retold over and over throughout the years to either embellish or reinforce the initial untruth; to nurture it….to sustain it….to keep it alive…to keep it viable….to keep it believable.
….to keep it real.
Now they are facts in my head; as real as I am….
Hmm…that’s kinda funny to say, I guess…..a “real” liar….
How can a liar ever, be a real person?
We’ve all heard it “Once you tell a lie, you’re a liar forever”
The cool thing about being an alcoholic or even an addict is that we can even lie to ourselves and never guess it’s a lie….
I’ve lied so much for so long that it’s a first reaction….even when the truth is better.
I lie because it’s what I do…..
It’s my knee jerk reaction.
I can tell the difference though, now that I’m older
…..there are consequences.
It’s like starting a rumor at work in the morning and by that afternoon, when the rumor gets back to you, it has been changed, revised, revamped, tweaked and perfected.
….and end up believing it yourself.
You know you started the rumor, you know it isn’t true but, dang….some of it seems different now….what if…you know…?
Only an old liar knows the real value of truth.
Truth is everything.
With truth comes trust.
With trust comes peace….
Truth is there one thing you have to own to be free.
I am not free.
I do not own the truth.
I do not have peace.
You know what the terrible part is; I mean, other than the whole being a liar part and the “fact” that no one will ever completely trust anything you say….ever ever again?
It’s that when you finally get tired of being called a liar for years and years and you try really, really, hard to be honest and forthright about everything from now on…..
….no one buys it….
They want to…..
….they just can’t.
They can’t risk the chance that they’ll be made to look like a fool again; to get their heart broke….to get disappointed in you.
Worst of all….?
You might just confirm for them the obvious, what they knew all along.
You’re a liar.
That’s the truth….
You’ll never change.
No matter what you say.
This is weird….I just thought of this.
Liars are the most trusting people I know; at least I am.
I trust everything anyone tells me, I have no concept of other people being false or lying to me.
Why should they….I mean….?
What’s the point of lying to me?
You don’t need to lie, I’ll believe you!