Honest Injun’


There’s lots of us down here.

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I don’t see how you can pick me out of the crowd.

I’ve always been told, or heard or read, that each soul is cherished, a treasure beyond counting.

But, I see prettier people than me, everywhere….

I know smarter people than I, everywhere.

I know funny people, I know happy people, I know goofy, crazy people, I know more interesting, more worldly people than me.

I know lots of people that I’d like to be that don’t know or ever heard of me.

Heck, if I passed ME on a sidewalk I probably wouldn’t even notice me.

So how can you see me, down here amongst the herd?

How can you make me out amidst the throng?

I don’t feel like a diamond in the rough.

I feel like a needle in a hay field…on double coupon day.

How can you tell the difference between he, she or me?

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Me and my son, Logan circa 1990

What makes me so much more valuable than falling sparrows….?

I know that I am not arrayed with beauty’s finery as the wildflowers Solomon saw in his dream….

Am I a flower…?

Am I a thorn in your side…?

How am I supposed to believe that I am special, that I am a ripple on a bigger pond, that I am not just another fish in the sea…?

How am I supposed to believe you even look at me?

How, can I possibly buy the fact that you would even notice I might go missing, someday…?

How can I believe that you know how many hairs are on my head?

How can I believe that I even matter to you, that you even worry about me…or us, down here?

How do I know you’re even listening to me?

How do I know you’re even real?

How do I know that being on my stupid knees in the middle of my bedroom, screaming at the ceiling, shaking my fists at the window, begging you for guidance, answers or, I don’t know, maybe I just wanna hear your voice for once!!

How do I know if all that hollering and shouting on my knees does any good at all!?

How do I know that you even give a damn about me or what I’m doing down here; what I’m doing just to get by day by day….?

I don’t know why!

Well, I kinda do…

I just….know.

I know you’re there…somewhere….

Anywhere…

You see… A long time ago….

My grandmother told me you were there.

“Can you see, God?” asked Granny one Sunday, long ago, when I was just a little sparrow; not worth much, then.

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I looked around the church with big eyes…

All I saw was people crying, singing or praying.

I saw lots of tears and smiles…

“I don’t see God, Granny” I said

She pointed around the church, to each individual Waldo….

“He’s there, and there, and there…”

I watched as her finger swept the room.

Wow…

God was invisible and tickling everyone.

Then, she slowly, knowingly pointed at the ceiling, high, high above us; I had to squint to see the lights they were so high up…

She whispered “He’s in heaven, too”

I looked up at heaven…
Everyone knows heaven is, up…yonder.

I couldn’t see God but, I could hear people talking to him, all around us.

I looked at Granny and asked her
“God’s in heaven?” she nodded “Honest?” I queried further.

Granny crossed her heart and hoped to die or stick a needle in her eye…

That’s always been enough proof for me…

It’s a kid rule that can never be broken…

Granny knew you….

She said you’re real.

That’s all the faith I need, I guess.

If my Granny loved you, you must be ok.

I know you…

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I know she’s there with you…. .

I know you because my Granny said you were there…

Honest Injun’

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