Blood Sucking Heathen


Wow….

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“It wasn’t that funny”

It was June something or other, when my financial ability to pay my WordPress domain rent went kaput….

It was one of those times that we, as Americans, whom reside year ’round in what’s known as lower middle class, come face to face occassionally with tribulations in our capitalist existence.

We like to call it “Broke Ass”

I don’t really require much.

Food? I eat too much as it is, maybe I can cut back a bit. The rest of the family are all fat and disgusting and could do with a litle bit of hunger strike practice.

House? I’ve been homeless before; you can do wonders with cardboard and tree limbs. The “boarders” in my house would die in less than a day if they locked themselves out of MY HOUSE!!!!

Car? Uh….I really need the car. My wife drives it all the time but, it’s in my name so IT’S MY DANG CAR!!!

I am a fantasy…..

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“I thought it was funny….”

Utilities? Candles….well water…..snuggling…..clear night, bright moon.

My loving La Familia would die in less than a day if they couldn’t keep my bathroom light on 24 hours, constantly….forever.

You see my point?

What is the worry about a teeny little WordPress blog when I gotta worry about sloppin’ the hawgs I live with….or should I say “Live in my house, drive my car, eat my groceries, spend my spending money, pay for their prescriptions” and all I get to do is drive around in this semi-truck, eat bologna everyday and send money home….to a place I hardly even live!

Do you think it’s out of place for me to feel resentful about this?

I struggle with it. I always scold myself later because I get upset about their seemingly blatant disregard for hard earned money and their never ending need of it and not giving a hoot where it comes from or how long it took to make it, as long as it keeps coming baby!!!

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“It was funny….”

Money isn’t the most important thing in the world; love for my family is….

I’m gonna kill myself…

I’m gonna drive this semi-truck off the side of the mountain, exploding into a massive fireball with my guts and burning hair slinging everywhere!

My last smoking, screaming words will be “I cancelled the freaking insurance a year ago you dirty, blood-sucking pagans!!!”

“BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

SMAAASSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Too bad I won’t get to see their faces when the check for the Porsche and lake house doesn’t clear!

“MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Okay….I’m sorry, Honey Biscuit. (that’s my wifes pet name) *sigh* we used to have a pet, but they ate it.

I know that I am being unfair and mean.

I know it’s my job to pay for everything while you and your stupid kid sit around and hold the couch down so it doesn’t run off, and HEY!!! Watcth that damn TV, every freaking second, so it doesn’t fly away!!!

Oh….for the love of all that’s holy, please make sure to open up the fridge at least 500 times a day. We need to make sure the lettuce gets plenty of air and the ICE CREAM AND CORN DOGS DON’T GO BAD!!!!!

“AIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!”

Okay….I’m sorry, Honey Biscuit.

shopperI know that I am being unfair and mean.

I am a cruel and insensitive brute.

I shouldn’t care that my family lives better than I do or that my kid ignores me when I’m there.

She hates me. I think she’s planning to kill me.

My wife says I’m being paranoid but, I think she’s in on it too…..

I catch them watching me sleep; when they let me.

When I’m home they’re always wanting to go do stuff, spend time with me, sit next to me on the couch, go out to eat….crap like that.

Why can’t they just take my money and leave me alone.

I don’t like hanging out with needy, clingy women. Especially a 46 and 15 year old with hairy legs…..

You’d think they were Pentecostal or something…..

I think I need a younger wife……maybe one of those little adopted Chinese kids!

No, I didn’t mean the Chinese kid for a wife…some people…….

I actually got to keep $26 this week, shhhhhhh.

Well, it was really $32 but there’s no need to tell the harpees, is it?

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The Blood Sucking Harpees

I’m planning on cutting them out of my will as soon as I get one.

Oh well, anywhos….

WordPress took pity on me, because they have seen thru my blog that my married life, spent entirely as a battered and abused husband, was my only respite….my only escape; so, they gave me extra time.

So, I’m sitting here outside of a Walmart, waiting on an old person to come out so I can bump’em in the noggin and borrow some of their retirement cash to pay WordPress.

My Salvation Army setup wasn’t working. I jumped the gun on the Xmas slant, I think….

I’m back and that’s all that matters.

P.S If I disappear, my kid Lacy did it.

5 thoughts on “Blood Sucking Heathen”

  1. I did wonder when every time I got an email notification but came over I couldn’t read! Why don’t you have the free version? You need the free version for when family suck you dry. :/

    1. I got it handled, Mon Cher! WordPress was super good about it. I told the CSR from WP that I would marry them. He said he was a dude and his wife might get upset. I told him she hadn’t met me yet….

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