There is a man/woman, “transgender person” I guess they call this type of human, sitting here in the breakroom at my company HQs.
With very much disappointment in myself, I am realizing that I have a looonnggg way to go to become a truly righteous man.
I also realize that I am MOST certainly prejudiced about this and feel wholly uncomfortable to be in the same room with this person.
I do not know why….
I’m disgusted that I am a hypocrite.
Gosh, I HATE hypocrites!!!
I am not a mean person, I am not a cruel person, I like people and generally, people like me. At least I think so, I haven’t been maced or tazed in years…
I am not shocked by that much, I am an American after-all and have a Facebook account loaded with crazy relatives, and I firmly believe in letting people live their own lives how they wish; thus, is the secret to happiness.
We really don’t have a choice here in this country anymore…
The new motto of the USA…..”DEAL WITH IT!!”
I do not know this dude that looks like a lady.
I have never met this lady that is really a dude, before.
He/she could be a wonderful caring person….IDK
But, do I care? Should I care? Why do I care? Does anybody really care?
I’m sure I do, because I’m a sensitive, caring guy, DAMMIT!!!
But that doesn’t have anything to do with the “creepy crawlies” I’m experiencing right now.
I don’t know why I’m like this or should I say, reacting like this.
So why, oh why am I disturbed by this person sitting at the table across from me?
I am very, very uncomfortable right now.
I feel like I am in a pit with sheer walls, a venomous serpent is also there, with no way out while I’m overdosing on caffiene….
Know what I mean?
The back of my neck is hot
My forehead feels hot
My pulse is beating in my ears.
I think I’m sweating on my laptop.
I feel like I’m getting physically ill….
I can’t stop grabbing furtive glances of this person, it’s kinda like looking at a terrible car wreck or accidently catching a glance of my naked grandma…
I can’t believe how uncomfortable I am!!!
I don’t like being this way!
Am I actually frightened….SCARED OF A……well, a person!?
Why am I this way?
Why does it bother me so much?
Is it an instinctual reaction to something that is not natural? Am I being an animal!?
This dude, that looks like a chick, is talking to me now. I am listening (and still typing this) but, I can’t look at….it? Him/her…AC/DC?
Victor/Victoria is less than 3 feet away from me and talking to me and I am actively trying to avoid eye contact.
I don’t feel contempt, I don’t feel anger or hate….I just feel….dirty.
I know that’s wrong…..I know it’s bad….I know it’s not Christian love and I haven’t investigated what my churches stance is on the subject. I know what they stand for and they won’t change on the basic tenants of some things.
I will have to ponder on this a while longer….
I just don’t understand why people can be so weird…..IS IT WEIRD?
I know Tootsie has to have some balls, figuratively or no….
It would take some HUGE JUEVOS to dress like that in a truck company, IN ARKANSAS!
IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!
Especially in those shoes…
Good. At least I can laugh at myself for being a dink and use my blog to explore my thoughts and feelings and work thru them.
It is excellent therapy…..almost as good as fasting and praying.
Hey, thanx for listening guys….and gals…or guy/gals.
It helped a lot.
I am trying, you know?
I’ll put more on my blog…when I Â am confronted with more personal bigotry and intolerance.
Tomorrow good for y’all….say about….6-ish?
Great….
***Matthew 22: 36-40
Everything Hurts & I'm Dying 
Tootsie…and Mrs. Doubtfire. I really don’t understand the aversion. People are people. Thank you for your honesty. Most people aren’t.
I swear I wasn’t being mean. That’s what I was saying, I don’t understand why, either. Especially why I reacted that way. It’s a journey
I understand.
I’m not sure how your blog fell out of my reader, but it did and now it’s back and I’m glad. It’s interesting we found your blog at a time when we’ve been struggling with ‘looks like a lady’ for several months. A favorite nephew at the age of 58 [married and father of 3 wonderful children] came out to Tom and I as he thought we would be the most likely to accept him of anyone in the family.
We are working hard to adjust our thinking and look deep into our hearts for we have always said we loved this nephew unconditionally. To us, that equates to, we continue to love her unconditionally.
In all honesty, I never thought this would be something I would have to consider in my lifetime. Thank you for the Matthew reference. It is the cornerstone of understanding.
Wow…that is kinda Twilight Zone. Isn’t it weird or maybe not, that we really don’t notice things that don’t affect us directly until it is shoved down our throats by the media. “You will tolerate this or else!” Believe it or not, when I posted this it naturally, likewise posted onto my Facebook timeline. my company has has already called me and told me to remove it, even though it wasn’t a hateful post, it could be construed as such…..I am a tortured artist, misunderstood and persecuted. Pity me….Glad you took me back. I was wonderin’ what y’all were up to.
I’m appalled your company made you take this post down. You write with such sensitivity about the subject so many of us are trying to come to terms with. I took all of your identifying information out of the blog and sent it to my nephew/niece and asked if she would call me after reading your piece. We had one of the best conversations yet about the struggles we are both having, how we are coping, how the rest of the family is reacting and so on.
Our entire society is having a hard time with this issue and I have to admit, that includes me. As much as I love my nephew and hate to see him in so much pain, I hurt so much for his wife (now going through the divorce process) and his children. I thank you for writing this post and shame on your company for not seeing it’s value in helping others.
It’s hard at times to understand a life style that is foreign to us. I think the Pope got it right when he said, “Who am I to judge?” People are people whatever the gender. You are to be commended for being honest about your confusion and trying to come to terms with it.
It’s what the blog was started for, dear lady.