I am a Jack of all Trades and master of some.


Let me see….
(counting fingers)

I am a

I’m really, super good at it.

My lies actually become true thru the sheer power of my will and the urgency of the situation that the lie cloaks.

I can form a lie faster than a human eye can blink. At least measured by other people’s eyes blink time; my eyes won’t budge. I’ll look you straight in the eye and smile as I baffle you with bullshit.

I believe my own lies and that’s saying something, because as a general rule, I hate liars. I can’t stand to be lied to.

I can smell a liar coming from a mile away; except in my case. I hardly ever pass myself on the street and if I did I’d probably cross over to the other side of the road because I’d hate anyone to see me and I might know me.


How embarrassing…

Let’s see….

I am a hypocrite.

I’m really, super good at it.

The world’s greatest, most sound advice comes from the world’s most repentant, guilt ridden, incorrigible, hopeless hypocrite.

I give excellent advice. I will never steer you wrong.

Of course, I won’t follow my own advice and I’ll criticize you, no matter what you decide.

Let’s see…

I am a judge.

I’m really, super good at it.

I do not need evidence or proof to judge you. All I need to do is look at you.

Quicker than your bounced check comes back, I can tell you’re on food stamps, behind on your rent, unemployed, half Mexican or nigger or something not quite white, ain’t got no car and you’re probably stupid as Hell, too.

Like I said….

I’m really, super good at being a jury, too.

I’m a bargain Jack of all Trades….

Let’s see….I’m great at so many things….its tough to rate me.

Let me see..


Oh, almost missed the biggie…

I’m a sinner.

I’m really, really super good at that.

This trade takes absolutely no effort on my part; it just happens.

I was born a prodigy in this trade.

I have talent, I have scary, scary ability.

My sins have sins. My sin is my own.

My sin is the only trade I have that is self sustaining and prolifically regenerative.

A mind of its own.

I repent and my sin laughs.

I pray and my sin laughs.

I confess and my sin laughs.

I forsake my sins and covenant to never sin again; I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME…. and my sins mock me.

I’m really, super good at sin.

Years of experience.

Where is Jesus when I need him?


I didn’t see him hanging there.


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