You know what’s cool about Facebook?
Other than the Find Jesus, find money meme’s….thats obvious.
Even though you have family members that despise you for things that supposedly happened over 35 years ago in some instances and 25+ years in others, you can still wiggle through the Facebook jungle and see pictures of them and your nieces, nephews, cousins and grandkids.
Makes me not so lonely, sometimes, you know?
Kinda, love’em on the sly….
Keep it on the DL….
The lonely spy, am I.
It’s amazing; forgiveness, I mean.
I can have it but, no one else can.
Weird how that works in the Bible but, not real life families.
Once a monster, always a monster, I suppose.
The not-so funny part is that I haven’t seen some of these people or tried to bother them in over 15 years!
Ever since I left after my dad’s funeral.
I know what I was all those years ago.
I don’t need constant reminders. I have, me to remind me…
Sometimes, I just wish I’d shut the fuck up.
Trust me on this!
Ha! I even told them that I’d kill myself if they’d just forgive me for ANYTHING!!
I still throw out feelers, you know, just in case there’s a chance I can be part of a family again.
I can dream.
I don’t even get the disappointment of being properly rejected; only silence.
I am not the same person I was in my dark years.
“Pick a flower and forget me not”
(Their response) “Oh, poor, poor Trey, so put upon, so mistreated, so unfairly judged, it’s everybody’s fault but his, he never did anything!)
Problem is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!
Really, I don’t.
Probably all the drugs and alcohol….
Now, don’t you think that If I was the insensitive monster they all believe me to be, then why did I stumble thru years, drunk off my ass, sleeping in dumpsters, gutters and homeless shelters!?
If I didn’t care or have remorse for anything then why would I be living like that?
It shouldn’t have bothered the monster, right?
“Oh, you were just feeling sorry for yourself”
Oh, yeah. I was. You betcha…
That’s the worst possible thing; feeling sorry for yourself and being out of control.
I wouldn’t exactly call it a life between 1993 and 2009….
It was a fucking nightmare, dude. I shit you not.
In hell; on earth. Sux
I’ve done my time in the prisons of your minds.
Your hate and contempt has gotten old.
It’s rotting my soul..
Forgive me, once and for all and let’s have love, instead.
If you wanna get to know your family member again, I’m all heart!
Dying for a chance.
I’m a helluva guy now, you know?
First! Jesus freak disclaimer:
I forgive you if you can’t bring yourself to change your attitude or change your conditioned mindsets.
Y’all have kept taking this poison for a long time.
Second nature, so to say.
I know it’s hard, believe me.
It took me a long time too.
Hopefully, one day, you will be free of your burden, because it is a burden. Justified or not.
I am free of it, myself.
If you forgive fast, make IT the second nature, you’ll be the better for it.
If you forgive anyone, I don’t expect it, in all reality, to be forgotten.
Just knock the stink off of it and carry on….
I guess it doesn’t really matter if you forgive me. It’s been this way a long long time.
It’d be nice and wonderful and all that….but;
My love for y’all is greater than your hate, so if you wanna go on hating, go ahead.
I’ll love you forever just to piss you off.
Oh, and on a personal note; if the world starts coming to an end and you have nowhere else to run…
Come to me.
I will feed you and protect you.
Or, I will die trying.
Do you know why?
Because, I have always loved you even when I couldn’t see or hear you.
We’ve lost enough.
7 thoughts on “I Want My Family Back”
I made my share of mistakes that caused family to judge and cut me off. It’s painful and it hurts worse still when you’ve changed, but they’re not willing to find out. They just ignore me and silently keep on judging me. I’m tired of being the wayward niece, cousin, and so on. I’m tired of being the one that must still be partying too much and hanging out with the wrong crowd. If they gave me even half a chance, they’d see someone they could respect, trust, and spend time talking to.
My heart goes out to you and I pray that one day their hearts will soften, that they’ll open up, and reach out a hand in love to you. Holding onto the past only serves to harden our hearts and take away precious time we could be spending with family and friends.
You’ve offered and been refused. Now is the time to let go and let God. Find other people to love.
I know. It’s probably some type of unconscious self serving narcissism on my part. The dreaded Martyr syndrome …. Still seeking absolution of a sort, I guess.
Forward is the only way 🙂
Since I now live on the road full time, it seems I hear you better. The folks above are right. Forward. Fuckin hard. I’m getting there. Hang in.