Today is my 55th birthday.
There are things that I want to accomplish in my life, what’s left to me by the grace of God, that I must no longer ignore or take for granted.
There are millions and millions of people in this worlds history that did not get to live as long as I have, despite the self-destructive attitude I once “actively” engendered.
So many times I have almost destroyed myself, albeit mostly unintentionally, I can however admit that I did manage to keep actual suicide attempts below 3…Now, with that said, life has not been easy, nor too hard.
But at least I have a life; one that is ongoing.
I have a life.
If it be one more day or 40 more years; I cannot take it, or anything for that matter, for granted any longer or ever again.
I will not.
It is an insult to all of the innocent souls throughout the ages that never got a chance to live as long as I, and in my opinion, were worthy of way more opportunity than I can attest to ever have taken advantage of.
Yes, I have a life; but up to this point I feel that I have squandered what meager talents and abilities I was born with.
I pissed away the first 54 years of my life.
Oh, I’ve had wonderful times, sad times, good times, bad times just like everyone else in history; c’est la vie.
But, in my own humble self-loathing mind, I have failed to meet my dreams and expectations.
I feel like a failure.
Unfortunately; or fortunately….today is my 55th birthday, and I remember a promise that I made myself, years ago…
If I made it this far; to this day; I would change things.
Well, I made it and I will keep that promise.
I must; it’s all I have to live for.
……the rest of forever.
As a matter of fact, I know for a fact that the process has already begun.
I can feel it in my mindset and heart.
I will handle life differently.
The old Trey is gone.
The older Trey, is here.
I made it, 55 years…..smh. Un-freaking believable but, c’est la vie.
I am no longer the person I was. C’est la Me.
For those of you that still harbor ill will towards me; some justified, most not, I want to say that I forgive you.
I forgive you.
As a matter of fact, I am sorry for everything bad that has ever happened to ANYONE on the face of the planet, since pond scum first crawled onto a beach and took the first shuttering breath.
I will accept all blame for everything terrible in y’alls lives if you will just consider adding me back into those very same lives; whomever you may be.
Forget the past, lets make new memories.
Hopefully, we will have years to spend, one with another.
……the rest of forever.
We have a life; right now.
Happy Birthday, Me.