Not. Me.

From a Southern Man:

It was murder, what happened to Mr. Floyd.

You know it, I know it.

I saw it, you saw it.

There were 4 police officers, of differing “races”
Did you see that?
2 Caucasian; apparently
1 Asian; apparently
1 African-American; apparently
They collectively murdered the man. Obviously.

It was them, not me.
It was them, not the store owners or truckers.
It was them; not all white people or other “faces”
It was them.

Yes, our system has been broken for a long time.

Our “collective conscience” as a society is to blame.

All races. All people. All times….

Not enough consequences that match the offenses is our failing.
The death of a good family life is our failing….

When I was little, if I did a bad thing, I got my ass beat.
Afterward, the majority of the time, I knew better than to try or do it again.
I knew the consequences would be quick & painful.
I knew that it was unacceptable and wrong.
Don’t do it again
I learned.

But, this is not my world anymore.
I do not recognize this world.
I get whiffs of my childhood world but, now….?
Everything stinks.

When I was a kid, you didn’t cuss in school or raise your voice to the teacher, bring a pocket knife, write on bathroom walls….
If you did, you got your ass beat by the teacher, the vice principal and then whatever parent was waiting for you at the bus stop. Or god forbid, if they actually had to come get you from the principles office.

Oh sweet baby Jesus. I knew I was a dead man.

It was them; not me.
No, I am not a product of this society.
I am a product of my parents, their parents, their parents AND their parents; ad infinitum.
I am a product of everything they had ever seen, heard, smelled, tasted or learned; then passed on to me.
I cannot learn without an experience OR being shown “the way”
It was up to me TO MAKE me.
Not them.

We have truly been in this together, FOREVER.

I am a racist.

I am intolerant, indecisive, impatient, considerate, trusting to a fault and sometimes; yes sometimes, I am an asshole.
I am most definitely an accidental hypocrite.
I am allergic to penicillin.

I actually like long walks on the beach; no lie….
I am a lot of things.

Sadly, perfection is not one of my traits, Dammit.

I get mad, but I don’t break other people’s stuff.
I get mad but, and I damn sure won’t hurt people; myself maybe but hey, that’s me.
I get mad, then….I get tired of being mad and decide to be happy or just deal with it.

Yes, I know y’all rioters & looters are different.
I know every one of you are descendants of slaves & poor white trash and NOBODY knows your troubles or how rough your life has been.


Bottom line:
It’s a tragedy what happened with Mr Floyd.
Y’all are making it worse.
Y’all are taking advantage of the mans death, cloaking anarchy with “protesting” and “change”
….lessening the death.

I think stupidity should be a race….
If that were the case, I am most definitely a racist.
Ignorant people can be taught.
Ignorance is basically not knowing any better, because you’ve never been shown better.
Y’all are just stupid and dangerous.
Y’all know better.

Anyone with a moral compass knows better.

Y’all just don’t care, I don’t give a crap what y’all say.
You know what, you don’t even deserve to be called y’all…

You’re a menace and should be dealt with on the same level as your stupidity.

I am ashamed to be an American human right now.
Where’s Jesus when you need him…?

Have faith?

In what; mankind?

Seems like the devil is always available, don’t it?

It was 4 different, complicit men; one horrid act.
Not all men.
It was them.
Not me…

9 thoughts on “Not. Me.”

  1. I agree that you and I owning responsibility for what those officers did is painful and maybe going too far, since we can’t be charged with murder. But we do need to own that our past collective inaction and indifference has let the world be structured such that black and brown people are in danger all the time.

    I lived in NC twenty years ago, and at that time, African-Americans told me that they couldn’t not even drive 1 mile over the speed limit because they would be at risk of their lives. Driving While Black. It’s not a new problem. How do we change the world so that they can feel as safe as we do?

    Admittedly, I usually feel at risk as a woman. I’m not sure anyone can guarantee that no one is ever in danger. But why should they bear added risk just because of skin color?

    As for the looting, property damage, attacks on police — even most of the peace protestors want that to stop. But what about the police, who cornered 100 peaceful protestors and were smashing their heads on pavement? A man let 80 scared and disenfranchised human beings into his house. He may have saved their lives. When the women marched after the inauguration, no one chased us, cornered us, or assaulted us. No tear gas, flash grenades or riot gear were used. Why is all this being used now? Why can’t white people just agree with black people that their lives do matter?

    I’m not trying to pick on you. But white people have to start being honest with each other, rather than silent about these issues. These issues matter. They are life and death to people who are important members of our country. Living with fear and feeling hated by the majority of people is stressful — that stress is killing them as surely as police brutality is killing them.

    What people don’t understand is that this is not new, it’s being brought into the open because of smartphones — bystanders are empowered as witnesses as never before. But this kind of brutality has been going on for a long time. Spike Lee says it’s been 400 years, and I have no reason to doubt him. I read Roots as a young woman and I feel such pain for our country, same as I do as an Irish person when I listen to Sinead O’Connor’s song, Famine.

    In this moment, we need to believe the people of color and request the police to do better. You agree that what we saw was murder. Shouldn’t we as a country want better policing? Can’t people go out and demand that?

    If a hundred people are shopping and one shoplifts, you charge the shoplifter. You don’t put the other one hundred people in jail. If a thousand people are peacefully protesting and one person breaks a window, you don’t put all one thousand people in jail. Let’s not lump all the protestors in one group as if they are acting in unison. The man who let in the 80 people said they didn’t know each other. They are acting individually because they don’t want to have to be scared. The police can’t just attack them and beat them. It’s wrong. Can we agree on that?

    My parents worked hard to teach me right from wrong as well. But I wasn’t taught that racism is wrong. I should have been. Because it is. It’s something in us we have to fight, like pride, sloth, greed and envy. It should be on the list of sins that we have to fight but can never really be cured of.

    I believe you’re a good guy at heart. If you saw a person of color bleeding on the sidewalk, wouldn’t you help them? Isn’t that who you are?

    1. Yes ma’am. I was a good cop. But, I was raised in a very very “intolerable” family. It molded me a certain way. But, I knew it wasn’t cool and has taken years to beat back.
      I believe that there are too many success stories among any group of people considered a minority to think that it is the white man keeping everyone down.
      Not everybody can be a rags to riches story. Not everyone gets a fair deal.
      This is a matter of a bad cop doing a terrible thing. Not the entire white race.
      Everything needs to be fixed. When people scream BLACK LIVES MATTER!! Isn’t that marginalizing all of the wrongs perpetuated on anyone. I’m from Georgia. Trust me when I said, I know black people that are more racist than me and I know black people who are more aw shucks redneck than I am. This whole situation, terrible as it can be, is an opportunity to create true and persisting racial divides. We need turmoil in this country. People make plans & advertising strategies for this. It’s the “free” market baby.

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