In The Middle Of A Crisis

You’d think that being 56 yrs old, I’d understand what it takes to be an adult.

It’s actually not that simple for me.

I am terribly, TERRIBLY immature & naive for a person of my advancing age.

I still have things I want to do, HAVE to do, things I want to learn, HAVE to learn. The realization that I will never know everything burdens me; also, that what great majority of what I do know has been taught to me by other flawed humans that were taught by other flawed humans.

So, what do I actually know of my own?
Fire is hot
Ice is cold
Pain hurts
Love stinks

There are things that I need to do, things that need to be done, that I’d just as soon ignore or pass off to someone else.

I’m a grown man.

Like it or not, I have to be responsible for me, people I love and for the immediate world that concerns me or impacts my life on a consistent, daily basis.

I don’t like being a grown up.

Sure, the experiences & knowledge gained thru years of accomplishments & failures, is priceless. These priceless things I have gained in this life is counted as worthless to many others.

They’re Of no account…really.

“That’s you, not me old man. Times are different, now.”
C’est la vie

The only part of being grown that I seem to notice anymore is that many people I grew up with are dead.
They were all young & beautiful at one time.
Like flowers….
I do not read the obituaries anymore.
I do not go to funerals.
Fake flowers…

Very soon, I have to make a decision that will affect the rest of my life and those I love (time I’m either blessed with or have to endure)

As a matter of fact, I am in this process of my decision making now.
I feel it is the last big decision of my life.

At least, I pray it will be.

I know what I want to do…
I know what the responsible thing to do is.
But, they don’t jive.

That is being grown up.
Even at 56 yrs old;
Do. What. Is. Best.
Not, what you want.

Note to self:
None of it matters anyway, so why worry?

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s