Lord….We Need To Talk

October 19, 2015 2

30 Day Writing Challenge; Day 2

I accept this 30 day Writing Challenge from Klnikolovas’ Blog because I get where Klnikolova is coming from….and it sounds like fun.

This is Day 2.

“Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”

Good lord, where do I start, where CAN I start?

From the beginning, from the first time my mother scolded me or praised me?

Do I remember “You’re such a good boy” or “You’re such a bad boy”; which one is so deep that it’s in my bones and I believe it, no, I KNOW it without KNOWING it?

Do I recall all of the bad things or good things?

Do the bad things leave a bigger mark on my soul than the good things?

I am made of pieces of opinions by flawed, imperfect people

I am a castle built on sand, made from blocks of comments and observations by people that had the responsibility to build me up, tall and impenetrable; people that should have created me as a fortress that was beautiful to look upon and had a light that shone bright as the sun, for all to see…

I should have been a beacon….

But, I believe that I am only a quaint hostel; built to stand in a dark forest that is filled with ghosts, skeletons and shadows.

But, do not weep. The sun does shine through the leaves occasionally and I have a small garden that often blooms beautifully according to the amount of complimentary light that reaches it.

“Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”

I think it’s the things I can’t remember that define me; that is my bedrock.

The foundation on which I depend upon is not of my own making.

Others have shaped it, I have only built it.

“Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”

I cannot pin-point one thing, in particular.

I am what they say I am; how can I be different?

A perception as to some; I am created and categorized by what others have told me, in love and anger, by careful consideration, knee-jerk reactions, first impressions and “Hey have you heard so and so and this and that, about him?”

“I’m gonna tell him a thing or two” is quantified according to the conceptions of themselves and also sit upon foundations others have built for them.

“I’m gonna give him a piece of my mind” is a two-edged sword. It’s all in how they swing it….defense or attack.

I am part of a vicious circle that stems from our first parents; the ignorant couple from Eden…..

They too, had no idea of the consequences that their words would affect their children, and their children’s, children’s, children….until it got to me.

We….all of us….are affected by those words; words that we have forgotten, but not forgotten…..

And he said; “Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat?”

They point and say….”He told us”

Follow me here….

One man says “You are beautiful, you are smart; you are awesome”

The second man says “What!? He’s nuts, you’re the ugliest, stupidest person I’ve ever known!”

“HE DOES’NT KNOW WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT, BELIEVE YOU ME!”

Can you see what I’m saying?

Who would you believe?

Do not lie…

We believe haters before we believe lovers.

It is easier to tear down than to build.

Who DO I believe?

Who SHOULD I believe?

Believe in myself?

I don’t know me that well…..

“Write something that someone told you about yourself that you never forgot”

Okay….

A fence in my mind that was built early, high and sharp…..

“You can’t do that”

But, they lied……

June 7, 2015 2

10 Quotes from Treyzguy

1) “There’s nothing quite as discouraging as being a psychotropic optimist in a realistic pessimistic world”

2) “There is no such thing as being of one opinion in a world where everyone has their very own tongue”

3) “If you take the time to smell the flowers, find out what kind they are first so they don’t kill ya”

4) “To each his own, unless someone else wants it more”

5) “If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else”

6) “If it feels good, do it until someone pees their pants and begs you to stop”

7) Always love your siblings and treat them kindly. You may need to borrow money someday…”

8) “Love thy neighbor as thyself, unless you’re suicidal or they’re just not into you as much as you’d like….within the laws of God.”

9) “There is no reason to go on living, other than living”

10) “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

a) Too bad people killed him. I don’t think he’ll be so meek and mild during his next coming. I imagine that even Jesus might be a little nervous returning to the scene of the crime.

I would’nt trust us either.

May 18, 2015 2

Oh…Why Not?

There was an earthquake in Nepal and the death toll climbs by the minute….

There are people of the same religion killing each other because they live on the wrong side of town and people of differing religions killing each other because they live too close and they eat pork….

There are tornadoes, floods, typhoons, avalanches, political strife and repression, big guys stomping on little guys and little guys kidnapping and killing smaller people because they can get away with it, right there on the evening news.

There are all sorts of drugs that people keep growing, making, buying, using and depending on; albeit illegal or not….that’ll kill ya; slow, fast, overnight or eventually…..

There are popular, mainstream, family owned and operated products that people keep growing, making, buying, using and depending on that’ll kill ya just as slow, just as fast, overnight or, as always and most assuredly, sooner than we’d like or ever expected.

There are traffic jams and train wrecks.

There are bus rides and plane crashes.

There is you, standing in a mall or grocery store line, looking around to see if anyone is sporting a trench coat or camoflage outfit out of season and are talking to themselves….or maybe those other people are staring at you wondering why you’re staring at people; while their hand drifts inside their purse or pocket to caress their legally protected, concealed handgun and with fantastic visions of blowing you away in a hail of hot lead and saving haundreds of lives, right there on YouTube, with 1 million likes before supper.

We all need a hero….

There are TV networks that count on fear for ratings and stir it like a bubbling cauldron of wicked stew.

There are naked people on videos having sex with other people, of the same gender or not, household implements, specialized objects or a farm animal or two….right here….on the internet; right after a token ten year old punches the button that says “Yes, I am 18 years old” and the whole, beautiful world of throbbing, pulsating, sweaty people, “cum” alive….

There is salt, sugar and fat in everything.

There is theft, murder, rape, dope, kidnapping, racial hatred, child molesters, animal cruelty or a burning church…right there…in your very own town, in one form or another.

There is so much to hate, despise or fear in this world.

Cavemen didn’t throw rocks at the moon for nothing, you know.

They didn’t go into caves because they were homey, comfortable or had free Wi-Fi.

They didn’t make boats and sail across open water with no land in sight just to see what was on the other side.

They were looking to go where it was safe….

There is death everywhere.

There is woe…

There is hate.

But, you know what?

It’s OKAY to be happy.

It’s OKAY to look for beauty in an ugly world.

It’s OKAY to trust people.

It’s OKAY….

It’s OKAY to rely on God, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, Lao Tzu, L Ron Hubbard, Mr. Rogers, Captain Kangaroo, Batman, John Wayne or anything you want that’ll make you happiest of all.

No one says that we all have to be alike but, we all agree that it’s easier, and a lot more nicer, when we can all get along and love one another.

“FREE BEER!!!”

It’s OKAY to wake up and say “You know what, I think I’ll be happy today”

This is what I say….everyday.

“Dear God,

Thank you for everything that you have given me and everything that you have taken away.

Thank you for giving me guidance and helping me thru the day.

Thank you for my kids and my wife and thank you for keeping me reasonably healthy.

Dear Lord, the only thing I would ask of you is that you give me super powers so I can save the world, or give me billions of dollars so I can feed the hungry and save the world, or give me a small building down town and a little funding so I can feed the hungry and homeless in my small part of this world.

Dear Lord, one other thing….Take away the fear of this life and help me give hope to others. I always feel better when I can make other people laugh or smile or burp.

Theres nothing better than a true, heartfelt hug….

Dear God,

Don’t let us ruin all your hard work.

Help me, help you, to save the world.

Amen….”

It’s OKAY to be happy, today.

Don’t give up on us, baby….

May 1, 2015 2

Two Camps1: Corporal Punishment

Let’s get right to it, shall we?

I’m trying a new approach for writing ideas to help make me more interesting instead of mostly inane.

To blog is to have an opinion….that’s my newest quote.

Shut up….I’m trying.

This is a post from my Facebook account that got me to thinking and inspired my “Two Camps” idea.

It’s from my niece, we’ll call her Smash, that is having a problem with her two year old niece that is beating the crap out of her 5 year daughter and she doesn’t know exactly what to do.

I know what Smash WANTS to do because I’ve known her ever since she still wore diapers and said “goo goo” all the time.

Smash wants to smash the puny human….

But, most states frown on murder….

I think it should be allowed in cases where the poor parents flip their shit when kids don’t listen to simple verbal comands like “OMG! I’m gonna beat you like a red headed step child!” or “When your dad gets home I hope he brings me a new kid!” or they continue to abuse one another after repeated requests and trips to the “time out” corner

But, thats just me….

Here’s Smash’s post and plea for help:

“I’d like to know people’s opinions on this. My 2 year old niece has been going to therapy for some aggressive behavior. Today the therapist tells us NOT to let Ada hit back when my niece hits her. There is only a 10 pound difference between the two. Ada has never left a mark when she hits back. My niece on the other hand almost always draws blood when she goes after Ada. We’ve always told Ada to defend herself! We never hit first! It took us months to get her to fight back. We don’t feel what the therapist said to do is right. Opinions??”

First off…

Camp One:

Theraphy?! THERAPHY!!??

She’s freaking two years old! She doesn’t even know how to wipe her own butt on purpose and I bet she probably can’t even cook Ramen noodles, and ANYBODY can do that. (Except for my step kid Lacy. She knows how to cook them but once she takes 2 bites she has an allergic reaction and forgets how to eat the rest and wash the bowl out.)

Therapist: “So…Katy…..How does it make you feel?”

Katy: “Mommy…I want some candy…goo goo doo doo”

See what I’m saying here? She’s freaking 2 years old, what in the HELL can theraphy do that a big stick or blunt instrument can’t teach her!?

Camp One says Beat the hell out of her!

Spare the rod and all that mess…

Do it before she gets old enough to dial 911 or call child protective services….

Go old school on her 2 year old abusive tail!

I’d beat her like a dog that keeps getting in the trash.

I’d beat her like a cheap drum set.

I’d beat her like a……biblical prophet.

But that’s just Camp One’s crazy asses…..

They’re old….and vindictive.

Camp Two says;

I don’t know what to do…

Tell her “No No”?

Give her a time out?

Smack her hands?

Take into consideration that she’s two years old and will eventually, hopefully grow out of it?

Wait for 5 year old Ada to clean Katys clock and let them settle it min-woman to mini-woman?

Don’t give her any food or water until she stops?

Hmmm….

I just asked everyone in my house, and I’m talking ages ranging from 15 to 50 years old and not all southerners either…

Everyone says “Spank her little butt good enough to where she’ll remember it”

I don’t spank kids….never really have. I’m more of a yeller and threatener type person.

My technique is to use my height and bulk to loom over them, blocking the sun and cutting off any line of escape…then I point at them and say “I’m gonna tell”

….that’ll teach ’em…

Teaching children right from wrong is a trust and a responsibilty that is not honored as it should be….as it was in the past.

We have lots of electronic babysitters nowadays and lots of diversions that controls a childs sense of reality and minimises the need for self control and moral discipline.

I was a terrible Dad…

I wasn’t mean, I just wasn’t there.

I’m not one to give any type of personal experience advice to anyone about how to raise a child.

All I can do is say “Never discipline a child when you’re mad”

My Dad was good at that and it didn’t work. All it did was create fear, distrust and shape a future monster from a child.

All it did was destroy that child.

All it did was create scars and regret…..lots and lots.

All I can say is don’t do anything while you’re mad, be patient, teach by example and match the punishment to the “crime”

…..now, beat the hell out of her!

P.S She’s two years old……call a priest and CAST OUT THE DEMONS!!!!

Good luck, Smash!!!

Love, your Uncle.

April 24, 2015 4

In Some Ways

I don’t know why I have the trials that I have…

I don’t go in for the whole “God only gives you what you can handle” crap.

If that’s true, I would tell God to quit being so damn generous….

You know what’s really hard, or at least kind of frustrating…?

Like when I’m having a tough time I always have to add “Well, it could be worse” or “There’s lots of people in this world that have it tougher than me”

That positive thinking trick to work myself out of my funk can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Sometimes when I’m having a bad time I don’t want to be positive or think happy thoughts…

Screw Peter Pan and all the Lost Boys and freaking Snata Claus and the Easter Bunny!

Screw TinkerBell and her freaking magic fairy flying dust!

Sometimes I just want to BITCH and COMPLAIN and let everyone know that my life is TERRIBLE and that no one has it worse than me, that I should be PITIED, that I should be ESTEEMED and held in AWE for my ability to trudge thru the varying levels of my ill usage and misery, in wallowing about my self pity and martyrdom as if splashing about a dreary, seething quagmire of throbbing, pulsing poop stuff….

Sometimes I just wanna scream “Look at me! Life has shatteth(?) upon me! Pity me, tell everyone you know that Trey is being dealt a dirty hand, is the victim of “dirty pool” that I am the only human on earth that has it this bad and that my life, if it can be described as such, is truly the epitome, nay, the gold standard of just how bad and unfair and cruel life can be…..

Sometimes I just don’t give a flying poop about other peoples problems!!!

Sometimes I just want it, need it to be only about me….

Woe unto me….

I hate the fact that God’s plan for my life included child abuse, drug abuse and alcoholism…

I hate the fact that “his” plan for me meant I had to be lower middle class and work for a living.

I would have been an excellent rich person.

I would have been kind to the little people.

But enough about other little people!

Lets get back to me!

I hate the fact that “his” plan meant that I had to be divorced 3 times, estranged from my children and not appreciated for my rugged good looks and intelligence.

I would have been an excellent product pitch guy….

You know what I really hate…?

I would have been a great Dad!!!

If it just wasn’t for the whole selfish, alcoholic, irresponsible things…

But get this…

That freaking humanity rears its freaking head…

I hate the fact that I am aware that I can make fun of myself and eventually work my self out of a funk by writing in my blog and bitching to “strangers” about how terrible my life is and how mean everyone is to me.

I hate the fact that as I write, I can see how silly I sound.

As I write, I can see just how damn silly it all is to get worked up about anything.

As I write, I know that I can forgive myself for being human.

I don’t like to admit it….

I do, so like to bitch…..as evidenced.

My acceptance of being human and its “intricacies” doesn’t mean that I will forget about my short-comings mind you, it just means that the reason I can still get pissed at myself is that I am still capable or hopeful that I am still desirous to expect better things from myself, that I have high standards for myself.

As I write, I can actually convince myself that I can make it better; that I am a creator of worlds.

As I write, I can fool myself into believing that I have a purpose, that God does have a plan for me and that I like writing fiction because I can believe that anything is possible.

If I can imagine it, it can happen….

Its kind of like…magic.

Sorry, Tink…

So….

I am better off than lots of people, unfortunately.

My journey thru life hasn’t been that terrible….interesting…but not too bad.

At least I can still appreciate beauty and creativity.

I still have the capacity to love others more than myself.

I still have the ability to wish I could do more….

I am 50 years old and I still ask God to let me be a super-hero so that I can save the world….

As I write, I can “fix” my thinking.

You know what…?

I’m sorry I was being insensitive earlier in my post. I’m sorry if you’re having a bad day so far.

Yeah…I’m an alcoholic, yeah…I’ve done some stupid shit in my life and yeah…I’ve gotten mad at God and not talked to him for a while and, yeah….sometimes I just like to bitch and feel sorry for myself.

But…

As I write…..I remember that I am only a man and I am human.

I am not perfect…but dadgummit! I keep trying to do better and I still care!

I haven’t given in or given up.

One day…..

One day….

As I write, I can create worlds.

“Let there be light” said God

…and it was good.

I…..

I will create my own day.

….and it WILL be good.

See?

Writer…heal thyself.

I feel better already.

I just don’t trust me…..

But that’s ok.

I’ll get to that soon.

April 9, 2015 3

A Tad Distracted, Or Am I?

What a terrible world…

What a beautiful planet…

What a rotten day…

What a golden moment…

What a disaster…

What a wonderful life…

What’s the use?

What am I doing here and who are all these strange people?

I wish you’d make up my mind, for me.

I can’t decide if I like it or not…

Walk with me and I will show you the sky

Walk with me and I will lead the way

Walk with me.

Walk with me because I hate to be alone….

Paper or plastic…

Have you ever really felt the sun on your face, I mean, felt it poke into each pore, make you eyebrows burn, make your eyelids turn pink and your mouth to turn up at the corners?

Have you ever picked a flower and committed murder?

Didn’t the roots look like fingers trying to reach and keep hold to the earth as you tore the flower child from mother…?

I heard a flower scream, once….in a dream.

Salt or pepper?

Have you ever shaken your fist at the sky because someone told you, a long time ago, that that’s where God lived…?

Did God see you?

Of course he did, you silly goose.

God see’s everything….

You just can’t see him….until you die….or if you’re a good person, definitely if you’re bad….or when you look into the eyes of your child.

That’s where God lives….

That’s where innocence lives…

Chocolate chip or oatmeal?

Now….just add a dash of a terrible world a pinch of human interaction, and….VOILA!!

A little monster….

Get outta your head, man!

I’m gonna stand up and dance a little jig that I just made up.

I’m dancing because I want to change my attitude.

Don’t dance in the flowers, please.

You’ll kill ‘em.

I wonder if God thinks we’re flowers?

I mean…

We need water, sunshine lots of bullshit for fertilizer, lots of room to spread and occasionally be burned to the ground or harvested…

Hmmp…I guess we are chaff to be spread into the wind, after all…Now that I think about it in a biblical way.

My feet stink…..need some odor eaters.

Are we flowers?

Are we weeds?

Are we bacteria or virus?

Are we doomed by apathy or neglect?

Are we promised an eternal life by the invisible guy that lives in a mansion in the sky?

Or, is he gonna push us into a burning lake after we are found guilty of saying “God-dammit” once when we saw that one thing that was jacked up and would have even made God say “Holy Shit…!”

How come we’re amazed at card tricks but never ponder a fish?

Why are we here?

What purpose does our existence serve?

There’s got to be a purpose to everything, right…..?

Well, you just go on believing that…

I “believe” there is a “purpose”….

See it…?

Man, this eczema itches like CRAZY!!!

If I water this flower, it will grow and give oxygen and food. That is the purpose….

If I believe in God, live justly and humbly…and with charity and love for my fellow man; I will live forever. That is MY purpose…

Who says so?

That guy in the sky?

Fear tactics.

But, what if I believe in God and want to live angrily and selfishly?

According to the “Book” I will still live forever; only it’ll be in fire and brimstone; according to “the book”.

I just thought of something….

What if “the book” had this in it…

“No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the prior permission of the publisher.”

I guess that’s how we know God wanted us to have “the book” at no price, other than our eternal salvation or damnation, I mean…

Man would’ve never let royalties get wasted.

What if God had stamped that disclaimer on Adam and Eve….

Was the Tree of knowledge a loop hole and the serpent, a lawyer?

Wow….

I love coffee and everything it stands for…

That’s something to think about over your morning cup o joe….

That’s how you change your attitude and level of stress….

Think about crazy shit…

Think about, “Why do some flowers smell good and others stink?”

Defense mechanisms?

Attraction?

Kinda like people, huh?

Or…..

Just think about how good your coffee is, where it was grown, how many burro’s hauled it down the mountain, did the coffee farmer trip over a root and shout “God, I hate growing coffee!”

Or…