This week I am anti-religion and I left my wife.
Plus, I ate a piece of white bread despite my dubious diabetes diagnosis…
And, its only Wednesday.
This week I am anti-religion and I left my wife.
Plus, I ate a piece of white bread despite my dubious diabetes diagnosis…
And, its only Wednesday.
This is my first entry from the new laptop.
My last laptop, whom recently passed away, was a Dell Inspiron; had it a little over 4 years.
It had been dropped, dropped again, urinated on (rather not get into that right now) and dropped again….
But, it soldiered on regardless of it’s masters clumsiness and drunken midnight bladder exhibitions…
This new laptop is a bright and shiny, wine colored HP.
It came with Windows 10 and my opinion on that is still being formed.
It also comes with WPS Office, I think it’s called, which is kinda like Microsoft Word but, isn’t.
We bloggers fear editing software we are not familiar with.
It is time to join the Cloud….
I tend to be really loyal to software for some reason, hell, what am I saying, I talk to my big truck like she’s alive…
Oh, by the way, her name is Gertrude….my truck I mean.
I was a little premature in my exasperation yesterday concerning the new laptop so, give me about a week and I’ll let y’all know whats up and how my progress is coming along in adapting to this new fangled technology.
It looks cool, though. I like the color.
My former laptop had stickers all over it from many locations during my years as a long haul trucker across this great country and that other place known as “Oh, Canada”
Shows how familiarity tends to turn into…..personal expression?
How do I change the font on this thing….?
I think that’s it at the top of the page but, I’m afraid to touch anything until I have figured out if there is an auto-save function for idiots.
I just got done downloading the free McAfee Security software for the 30 day freebie. I had AVG on the dead laptop a long time but, I’ve been hearing good things about McAfee lately so, I’ll give it a shot.
Keep an eye out for my daily report on the struggles of a man and his new laptop.
P.S This laptops battery lasts 6 hrs. My old one lasted bout 45 minutes and was probably 2 lbs heavier.
I should be dropping this bad boy on the floor in no time.
P.S^2: Ok, I just pasted this post onto the WP dealee bopper, not thru the Admin [page add new post thingamahoochie, and it’s shit….
I hate it.
P.S^3: Ok, maybe I don’t hate it but, I AIN’T LIKING IT!!!
I’m debating adding all of my pix onto this new laptop from my super terabyte external hard-drive….
It seems pointless but, it is good therapy, PLUS, I do enjoy it, I guess.
I’m more about stories than opinion, so I guess I get kinda boring in that way.
I’m so busy lately it’s hard to find the time to sit down, relax and write. At least the way I like to…
I have to remember why I started this blog; to find, me….
To explain to myself why and admit that I don’t know….
I’ll think about it.
Nothing but the truth.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
It’s a commandment…
It’s a courtesy.
I think the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life, and I’m meaning up to this point; is something that I don’t think will ever happen again….at least not be as disasterous.
I learned how to lie….
I learned how to fib…
I learned how to twist the facts, create instances, cloak and dagger, manipulation by misinformation.
It probably went like this:
“Did you get that candy out of my purse?”
A second more hesitation…
A glance; left and right…
Vigorous shake of the head…
“Nope, I found it on the floor”
Then, another terrible thing happened….
They believed me and I didn’t get in trouble.
I’ll guarantee you that the reason I took to lying so readily, at first, was out of survival instinct; with parents that tended to be a little….overly expressive in their emotions; a kid had to get creative, or fast.
I was creative.
…..Lying helped me to avoid most of the administrations of justice that involved blue and red welts or a nice blood spatter pattern.
Then the other most terrible thing happened…
It kept working…ha! No beatings!
It worked time and time again, you see; all kinds of instances, all kinds of severities and all kinds of years.
The mostest terrible thing…?
I got better at it.
I mean….really, really good at it.
Ha! Free stuff!
I started to believe them myself.
Even now, at 50 years old, there’s probably stuff in my head that I actually believe happened.
Probably, he says….Ha! Hell…who am I trying to kid?
Of course there are lies in my head….
See what I mean, it becomes a habit….Like breath
I know there are lies in my head that I made up at some point in the past and have retold over and over throughout the years to either embellish or reinforce the initial untruth; to nurture it….to sustain it….to keep it alive…to keep it viable….to keep it believable.
….to keep it real.
Now they are facts in my head; as real as I am….
Hmm…that’s kinda funny to say, I guess…..a “real” liar….
How can a liar ever, be a real person?
We’ve all heard it “Once you tell a lie, you’re a liar forever”
The cool thing about being an alcoholic or even an addict is that we can even lie to ourselves and never guess it’s a lie….
I’ve lied so much for so long that it’s a first reaction….even when the truth is better.
I lie because it’s what I do…..
It’s my knee jerk reaction.
I can tell the difference though, now that I’m older
…..there are consequences.
It’s like starting a rumor at work in the morning and by that afternoon, when the rumor gets back to you, it has been changed, revised, revamped, tweaked and perfected.
….and end up believing it yourself.
You know you started the rumor, you know it isn’t true but, dang….some of it seems different now….what if…you know…?
Only an old liar knows the real value of truth.
Truth is everything.
With truth comes trust.
With trust comes peace….
Truth is there one thing you have to own to be free.
I am not free.
I do not own the truth.
I do not have peace.
You know what the terrible part is; I mean, other than the whole being a liar part and the “fact” that no one will ever completely trust anything you say….ever ever again?
It’s that when you finally get tired of being called a liar for years and years and you try really, really, hard to be honest and forthright about everything from now on…..
….no one buys it….
They want to…..
….they just can’t.
They can’t risk the chance that they’ll be made to look like a fool again; to get their heart broke….to get disappointed in you.
Worst of all….?
You might just confirm for them the obvious, what they knew all along.
You’re a liar.
That’s the truth….
You’ll never change.
No matter what you say.
This is weird….I just thought of this.
Liars are the most trusting people I know; at least I am.
I trust everything anyone tells me, I have no concept of other people being false or lying to me.
Why should they….I mean….?
What’s the point of lying to me?
You don’t need to lie, I’ll believe you!
I came to a realization, today…
I am alone.
50 years after my life started….
I have come to the obvious conclusion that there is no God.
For years and years I have prayed and prayed but, no one answers.
The only still small voice I hear, tells me to give up trying to find him.
Do you know why they say that God’s voice is too terrible for man to hear or impossible to understand?
No one’s ever heard it.
Let go, let God….
Let go of God.
Have faith, they say.
Faith in what?
Blind leading the blind…
In God’s own time.
It’s God’s plan.
Don’t question God.
God is great, God is good; let us thank him for our food…
Too many hungry people cannot be fed with faith…
Too many hungry people only pray for a piece of bread.
In God we trust.
Step over the homeless man in the gutter and trust you’ll never sink to that level.
Walk around the homeless woman and child and wonder why the kid ain’t in school….
Chastise her for being a bad mom…. In your heart.
So sad….The homeless and hungry.
Good thing you’ve got a friend in Jesus.
The state of the world is not God’s fault.
Were we not created in his image?
Doesn’t that qualify us as “graven images”?
I am a just God.
Then why weren’t Adam and Eve forgiven for the Apple incident, and given a chance to repent?
Waiting for your son, Jesus to die…
There is no God.
There is no heaven.
Thank God, there’s no hell either.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…
That’s why we are sheep in the parables…
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
I am wise to you, God….That’s the difference.
Believe in me and live forever.
Because, I told you to.
I just realized I’m still acknowledging this God delusion…
Bad habits are hard to break.
Believe in yourself.
Believe in nature.
Believe in love.
God is love.
Then quit loving us so much, because you suck at it.
For God and country….
Blood on the sand….
Guts and skin on the church walls.
Intervene and stop us, God delusion.
If God is in me, take him out!
Oh, that’s right.
There is no God.
We’re on our own here.
We’re doing this all on our own.
We’re killing each other over a non- existent deity that is worshipped a million different ways.
A Muslim believes as much as I did, if not more.
A Hindu believes as much as I did, if not more.
A man handling snakes in the sight of God believes as much as I did, if not for very long.
A Native American people believed until God smote them….
Oh, that’s right…
There is no God.
I am alone now, devoid of God and sin.
No one walks with Me.
God is man made, created in our own image.
Faith will only get you so far…
And it ain’t heaven.
Have faith in yourself contradicts the fiat of Faith….
Faith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see….
We have free will and expect faith to change that?
Not enough evidence.
Not enough faith in what I can’t see….
Too much free will.
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep….
On my own….
Just like it’s always been.
God came in handy sometimes, when I used to believe.
Who am I gonna blame, now; when something goes wrong?
God was a convenience and an excuse.
You mean I’m gonna have to depend on myself!?
My life is the reality.
I am really here…
So, what else is new?
I smell great!
I love showers.
I love hot water, high volume, high velocity.
The kind of water force where you don’t need soap or a scrunchy and you actually have to brace yourself against the stall to keep from being knocked down.
The blast of H2O just tears the dirt and dead skin off your body, leaving you as pink as a babies butt!
I guess that’s why I only shower twice a week.
Too much of a good thing ruins the stew.
I love the anticipation of seeing my big hunky dirty body in the mirror and know that in a minute or two I will once again be able to see the true color of my skin and eventually I will be able to get a comb thru my hair once again.
I know that I am killing millions of my cells, and its somewhat disturbing to hear their little screams and gurglings as they spin down the drain, their little cell fingers clinging to the edge, their little cell eyes looking up at me….pleading….
Good thing I’m self-absorbed, it might actually make me sad if I dwelt on it.
But I know they will live again in one form or another as they reach the water treatment facilities or a Cul-de’sac near you.
[Wiping tear from my eye]
Maybe you should look a little closer at the little floaty thingees in your next glass of water and think “Trey is sharing himself with me”
You are welcome.
I just laughed at myself.
I am so full of shit sometimes it’s amazing. LOL!
But it’s fun right…?!
I smell wonderful. I am squeaky clean.
I smell so good I might even ask myself out on a date, get myself drunk and take advantage of me…..
No….I don’t need to get myself drunk all facts considered.
Besides, I haven’t trusted myself around booze since I slipped my self a date rape drug and ended up at a Burger King drive thru shaving my ass with a spatula, begging to have it done “My way”
I tend to be loose and kind of a tart anyways….
I’m easily fooled by flattery and will believe everything I tell myself.
I know that I am lying to myself and am just trying to get myself into a compromising position where a video camera may or may not be involved.
YouTube must be fed….
But, I’m just so damn sexy! My eyes look so honest….when I lie to my face….
Oh, someone told me that my posts are too long and that people lose interest in them before they finish it.
Well I say “BURN IN HELL!”
My 20 loyal followers beg to differ, or else they’re just a sorry lot that have nothing else to do.
I LOVE YOU ALL YOU BUNCHA WORTHLESS BASTARDS!!
The important thing is that they stroke my ego.
I love it when people stroke my ego, it’s so soft and pliable.
Dang, my vision got blurry for a second.
So, since this mean blog critique
person is trying to inhibit my ego stroking needs and deny my followers their just desserts, I will keep this one relatively short.
You know I am awesome…
I KNOW I am awesome.
But lets not beat that dead horse.
Facts are facts….
By the by, baby shampoo does burn your eyes; field tested.
And it burns worse under water…
How come the label says “Rinse hair with water” but not your eyes when it gets in them?
No more tears my big butt!!
Oooooo… That’s a sexy man there in that mirror!
I kind of look like one of those Buddha doorstops you see in a Chinese restaurant.
I am in Virginia Beach, and it’s cloudy….Damn.
Just my luck….
I specifically prayed for sunshine and Angelina.
Me and God have got to get our shit together and start making sure that when I am this close to the beach that the sun is always shining and the waves are “Gnarly Bra”.
I’ve got to get some tan on these things, I’m tired of airplanes circling me when I’m outside, mistaking me for a landing light.
I spoke with God about this before, but it seems he likes his ego stroked too and needs me to check in with him on a daily basis, not just when I want lottery numbers or a tryst with Angie…
I can understand that….he’s kind of a control freak; like me…
Okay, I’m outta here.
I must deliver this load of cheese-cake before someone dies.
Y’all have a good Hump day and make sure you have plenty of liquor before you go to work so you don’t run out before lunch.
“But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44 ESV; cf. Luke 6:27-28).
Where is love?
How come I can’t see it anymore?
Can I love my enemy?
No, it is impossible.
Should I fear my enemy?
Yes, for they are the slayers of love….
It is me against the world.
I would like to ask you for your help but, I couldn’t do that to a friend.
My friend is the enemy of my enemy, they say.
We must all be enemies then….
Maybe you have known love once
I don’t want to show you any different.
Turn the other cheek and we will die.
Love thy neighbor as you love yourself and hate him
Charity never faileth unless you need it.
Charity is a brick for a mansion in that paradise that is spoken of but no one has seen
Is there value in Heaven?
Is there a “gold standard”?
Is there a price?
My heaven is a dirt road on a chilly morning.
Take; and you will get it all…..we know.
Give….and go wanting.
I remember love……but we LIVE with hate and fear.
It is impossible.
Why do they say “fall” in love?
Why can’t we “rise” to love?
Do you feel love without fearing to lose it?
Which is stronger; the fear or the love?
Love without fear is a myth.
It is impossible to have one without the other.
God is love
God is in me
There is no love, thus…..
I have just been chastised by my heart.
I was writing this in a somber, ill-tempered mood.
As I thought about love and why it is impossible;
What IS love, really?
I LOVE cookies?
I LOVE puppies?
I LOVE sunrises?
I LOVE it when you do that?
I LOVE the fact that you say you love me too?
I LOVE you so much it hurts…..
My brain cannot define love.
Love is the most abstract, improbable, illogical and impossible of all things…
Why do I hate mine enemy?
Because, they are not like me…
Because, they hate me right back.
Why do I love you?
I have no idea….
I can’t help myself.
Why do you love me?
You say that you ask yourself that all the time and I laugh.
My heart has no problem defining love.
It thinks it’s simple enough to explain…without interference from my brain.
My heart knows love when it sees it.
My heart is a blind, treacherous bastard.
I should never listen to it.
But, my heart leads me and I follow.
My heart does not listen to my brain; no matter how much it pleads.
My brain can’t explain love….
My heart can’t deny love…
My soul craves love…
I love you and you love me….
I got it.
I don’t know why I never thought of it before.
My lying, deceitful, innocent heart just whispered it to me.
I knew; I knew the meaning of love the whole time!
It’s only a miracle!
Love is just a simple miracle.
I see it now….
These are the top or bottom ten moments that shaped my life:
1) “Santa couldn’t afford a bike this year, so shut up; be glad he brought you anything ”
2) “Don’t get out of bed or the Boogie man will get you”
3) “The tooth fairy forgot, I guess.”
4) “Stay away from them niggers, they’ll steal your little sister and eat your dawg”
5) “You’re stupid as hell, son; you know that?”
6) “You take after your fucking mama; a fucking cull.”
7) “Don’t touch nothing in that damn fridge, you ain’t bought none of that shit”
8) “You say yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am or you’ll get your ass beat ’til you cain’t g*d walk”
9) “I’ll kill that g*d dawg anytime I g*d please; I’ll shoot your ass next you keep runnin’ that fuckin’ head!”
10) “If you tell your folks, I’ll kill your dawg and tell ’em yer a queer”
J: You must have faith…
T: That’s not an answer.
J: It’s important to have faith, as a matter of fact it’s the most important thing to have.
T: I think hope is but I’ll grant you that; but would you say it’s necessary?
J: Oh yeah.
T: But what’s the difference between hope and faith, ain’t they the same?
J: Hope is longing, faith is knowing.
T: Oh, you’re good….but, which is more important, I mean; in your experience?
J: Well, there is always more hope than faith, I know that much.
T: How do you suppose?
J: Hope takes little effort and people are lazy.
T: I see what you’re saying. I hear people say “I hope” a lot more than I ever hear “I have faith in or that…”
J: Have you ever noticed how sturdy hope is and how fragile faith is?
T: I guess…
J: Here’s an example; “I hope that my kids will have a good life” or “I have faith that they will”
T: Yeah, I see…I hope they do, but I don’t know…too much can happen; only time will tell.
J: You’re getting warmer.
T: How do you mean?
J: From my experience, as you said, hope is timeless and faith could go either way. It can strengthen or fade with time.
J: Children are born with faith, older people grow out of it, or think they know better. It seems like the older they get the easier they brush faith aside as unrealistic.
T: Tiz true, I’ve got a better comparison for ya….
J: Let me hear it.
T: This is hope; if something they hope for doesn’t exactly pan out, they say “Well I hope it doesn’t get any worse” or “I hope things change” but, when they have faith and it doesn’t work out they just say “Shit…I knew it”
J: You’re right. I catch myself doing that….
T: Check this out; hope is trying to hold water in your hands, faith is a cup of water.
J: You’re good….but this is what gets me; people have infinite patience with hope but none with faith. It’s so easy too lose faith, but not hope.
T: This is true, we humans are fickle but, since I’m on a roll, try this on for size….I love this one; “I hope I will have faith”
J: Is that a double positive or a double negative?
T: I don’t know….I was just trying to wax poetic…
J: Double entendre’?
T: Stop it.
J: I was “hoping” you could clarify it…
J & T: Ha Ha Ha
T: Let’s wrap this up; I need to get to work.
J: Here’s a couple of my favorites; “Hope springs eternal, faith without works is dead”
T: You know what? If you break that down, it makes sense….kinda. This is what kills me…You will always have hope; even when there seems to be no hope, there is hope. When there is no faith, there is still hope.
J: Weird, ain’t it?
T: Hope is the bastard child of faith.
J: oooo….I like that.
T: Can faith exist without hope?
T: Man, we could go on and on hashing this out.
J: You know something; what you just said made me think of something else…
T: What’s that?
J: Faith is really kind of simple
T: You lost me…
J: Remember that “mustard seed” parable I told to that one dude whose son had epilepsy?
T: Yeah, I think…
J: Anyways, faith is a tremendous weapon against despair, the only weapon, really.
T: Okay, I’m with you…
J: Hope can only take you so far, faith can take you anywhere.
T: You’re good…
J: Hope can get you over the mountain; faith can move it out of the way.
T: Can I have your autograph?
J & T: Ha Ha Ha
T: Seriously….we both know what state our world is in right now: do you think we’ll see our way through all this crap.
J: I hope so….
T: Have faith, dude.