Have you ever had a wonderful, beautiful, tragic, romantic, heart-rending dream before?
There is this girl (I don’t know how old we are in my dream) but, if it’s in relation to her age, we should be in our mid 20’s.
All I can remember about her (after waking up 3-4 times at intense moments during the dream, then losing the flow of the dream and then trying to get back to sleep like a crazy person) that she has fair, smooth skin…light hazel eyes, reddish brown or dark strawberry blonde hair pulled back in a low pony-tail, and a smile….
A smile that makes me cry..
She evidently has a recurring role in my psyche somehow, because I have “known” her since I was a teenager.
I can’t remember how many times, but, it’s long enough between episodes that I almost forget about her until she reappears.
I don’t know her name, yet, but, this is what happened last night…Best that I can remember.
She keeps finding me somehow….
[DREAM STATE]
I am sitting on a couch, talking to unknown people, subject unknown.
When the door to the room opens up, and “my girl” walks in carrying groceries…
I freeze!
I…know…her…
(I WAKE UP!!)…zzzzz…..
She gasps!
She’s seen me, just as I see her, and she drops the groceries, runs to the couch, crashes down beside me, wraps her arms around my chest.
Laying her head down slowly, looking up at me , with those sleepy, painful, gorgeous, soul tearing eyes…
(I WAKE UP!!) …zzzzz..
I’m looking at her now…her cheek on my chest and shoulder, her arm across my chest, her legs across my lap…she says…
(tears in my eyes now in real-time)
She say’s… “Where have you been?
So soft, so tenderly…
“Where have you been for soo long?”
Her eyes are glistening now…
I run my dream fingers thru her hair, I stroke her wet cheek…
“I’m here, now” I say.
I WAKE UP!!!
I am devastated to be back in this awake place…
Then the next thing… I’m thinking.”I should have stood up when she walked into the room, instead of just sitting there… been a gentleman”,
Why that thought?
I must truly respect and cherish this “lady”,
Esteem her greatly I must.
But she’s only a dream!
Right?!
Then, smiling to myself like a the Cheshire cat, I say to myself…
“Thank God…she’s back.”…then crying myself to sleep, smiling.
Glad that “she’s” back… fighting to sleep, trying to find her again.
But’ I couldn’t…
I had left her there…in my…”our” dream…apparently, again.
What an asshole….
Left her sitting there beside me, clutching at me like a drowning person, be it despair or need…terrified that I might get off the couch and leave her again.
(I’m crying again now in real time, hands shaking)
What a bastard I must be…in this awake place.
I can’t believe I left her!!!
I should have stayed!!!
Why didn’t I stay!!??
What makes me come back to this shitty awake place, full of misery and despair, when I could live in a dream with her!?
….live in a dream.
Wait!!!
If I close my eyes and listen real hard, I can hear her calling my name….
I…can…almost….see her.
I understand a few things more clearly this day, a true zen moment has occurred in my life.
Wanna know why?
A) I do not know this “lady’s” name
B) I have NEVER had a dirty dream about her
C) I have never kissed her.
But last night…last night…(still crying in real time again)
Last night was the first time, THE FIRST BLESSED TIME I ever heard her voice!
She actually spoke to me, and I can feel her fingers in my skin as surely as I can hear myself sniffling now!
What a bastard I must be…in this awake place.
If heaven is where dreams come true…then I came one step closer to it last night.
I felt heaven there…in a dream…on a dream couch, my dream lady holding me…crying into my shoulder…shaking…Her loving me and me not knowing her…
Be back soon Lady.
I’ll behave and commit no sin, I’ll eat all of my vegetables and pick up my dirty clothes, I’ll beg the Lord for forgiveness and beg him to let me see you again …maybe I can stay a little longer next time…and we can talk…on our dream couch…
What a bastard I must be…
In this awake place…
[Later reflections of my dream]
THE AWAKE PLACE
Stumbling back into this awake place, my thoughts…my emotions…my confusions, were all flying around my head like angry little Angel bugs…some playing their harps…others bashing me with their halos.
Anyways…not to stray. I have to concentrate and focus, (try to) on the feelings about my recent journey to…hmmm…I’ll call it… (It has to be worthy of her), Where would she live…my Lady?
Remtown…that’s it…Remtown.
I actually thought a little about giving my Lady a name for this story…our story.
That thought fluttered by like a breath.
Stupid ass, she already has a name.
I don’t know it yet…she hasn’t told me…but I KNOW she has one.
How do I know she has a name?
Because she’s real.
I heard her…I felt her grip…I could see my reflection in her eyes.
No dream causes a person to cry in the awake place…
In Realsville…Current City…does it?
At least I’ve never heard of it or anyone else saying anything about it.
Maybe they don’t remember.
Who said, “Dreams are like trying to hold water in your hands”? Hmmm…don’t remember. I’ll Google it later.
Maybe you can tell now… there are many directions I want to explore in this tale.
The dream I have drifted into and out of for the past 35 years was, well… what I could retain from the disjointed episodes of this last trip.
There’s not much to draw from as far as the actual dream is concerned…much to my dismay.
But the intensity and love and…jeez, what else?
THE POWER of it… opened windows into my soul.
My soul is alive again.
Questions are alive again…in me.
The consideration… that my reality might be someone else’s dream or dreams?
What if my reality is another person’s dream? You know…the whole parallel universe thing?
What if Lady is real and I am not?
I don’t feel real sometimes…
Sometimes I think I’m living in a dream.
What if she’s wondering who I am?
Seperate worlds….seperate realities…
What if we did pass in the night and never seen each other?
What if my soul-mate doesn’t know she is in a dream and cannot escape to me?
What if she only lives on hope?
What if, I’m a dream….?
What if we are wandering in the fog of consciousness, knowing each other is there, but not hearing or seeing each other….
Is that, hell?
If torment is a part of hell, I have been to hell….
If dreams are made in heaven, then I have been there too…
I am a resident of both, a foot in each camp?
Whoa, drop the Peyote Cochise… any ways
There’s probably movies, songs, sonnets, poems, tribal dances etc., about all this.
People that can explain it much more beautifully.
I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been interested in the subject matter before.
Until it happened to me.
Especially this time…..
Why did she finally speak to me…after 35 years?
All I am sure of is that I left this awake place, and went to Remtown to see… A Lady
She told me she missed me.
She told me….
“Don’t go, I love you”
I left her, anyhow….
What an asshole….
Now, I can’t find my way back.
I too, live on hope….
“Reality is wrong. Dreams are for real.”
Tupac Shakur
Everything Hurts & I'm Dying 
Another dimension? A past life? Hurry up and go back to sleep!
Is it, part of our life?
I yearn to dream….
Now this is my serious thought on this woman: I would attempt to talk to her as she might be a guide of some sort for you. She may have been a woman of importance for you in a previous life, and she is here now trying to guide you. Don’t get hung up on her beauty, the realistic feel of her touch, and all the other peripheral stuff. Ask her questions which might help you solve an issue with your soul, some issue you can’t seem to wrap your head around, or just talk like she is a good friend (open and honest). Get past the ‘mysterious beauty in your dreams’. Oh, and don’t ask her to tell you what to do, the future, or secrets. Just think of her as someone you feel comfortable with, and talk of all the things we all get bottled up inside because we are afraid of judgment or betrayal if we are totally open with others.
Peace & Love
I have asked, she JUST started talking to me. All she did was freaking cry and ask where I’ve been! I am not a “dominant” in my dreams. I am only a participant. Hmm… Never thought of it like that before. Weird…
Wow, you are not dominant in the dream, that is weird. Let me ponder this over near the pond. Will get back with you when I have some sort of silliness to add.
I’m with Rene on asking some questions. Go to sleep holding her image in your mind. But perhaps ask what she needs or what you can do for her. She seems to be the one in distress, at least in the dream. But if you can help her in the dream it may answer your distress in the awake. If you know what I mean. ‘Cos I’m not sure I do. I’ve had some strange dreams that flow into wakefulness and make me wonder, what the heck?
I’m so dumbstruck when she shows up in my dream, her dream, that I’m probably gaping in my sleep! I can’t say anything, only soothing noises… Weird
Speak in your mind to her. She’ll understand telepathy. In dreams you can do it all.
I never know when she’ll show up. I tried putting 2 & 2 together to see what may contribute to triggering an appearance, but I can’t for the life of me. That’s when I assumed that SHE is the initiator, and that’s the surreal part…. Or the reality?
Hmm…can you draw?
Yes, I’ve been known to doodle…
Well, you could try drawing her – not the pic you posted – get her in mind, ask the questions on paper what you can do for her, etc., put it under your pillow and wait to see.
Other possibility is she is someone you already know, not necessarily in looks, but someone who needs you or needed you in reality. You have glamourised the image but the sense of her is real. Who could that be? I don’t mean to answer me! I mean to consider the possibility yourself. Just a thought.
What if she is me?
Lucky you!!!
I may not see her again for years, if ever. That’s why I now keep my micro recorder by my head and a jot pad, because of the last dream. The one I started my blog for. I hope I can keep adding pieces….
It’ll come together I’m sure, eventually. Although saying that, I saw and heard someone in ‘real life’ and knew their name as soon as I heard it. My mum turned to me at the exact same time that I saw this person and just stared at me. Turned out she’d had a dream of this exact person, name and everything. I’d been in her dream with this man. Never heard of him again. But it was weird that we both knew him immediately. I can still recollect him and see my mum’s look of amazement. Maybe we’ll never know after all. But enjoy the experience. Or the knowledge that there’s something fishy going on that’s bigger than all of us!
Weird and spooky
I know. And there’s ‘worse’ than that. Dreams are awesome. Like having your own movie theatre. Except for the scary ones. I hate the scary ones. But that’s just cos I’m a wuss. Ask Rene, she knows. Total crapper me when it comes to scary movies. 😉
I’m in the heart of Texas, tonight. Fixing to download a book by Anthony Trollope, ever read him.? I just finished the “Flashman” series by George MacDonald Fraser. My fave of all time! I realize I am a skirt chasing scoundrel and pultroon myself! Lol!
I feel sure I have at least one of his books on my shelves from donkeys years ago but I can’t for the life of me think what it’s called. I’ll be bugged now till I find it!
I haven’t read Flashman but if he’s a skirt chaser and scoundrel I’ll leave him to you. I’ve been working my way through a series of books I’ve already read before about ‘vampires’ who disclaim that’s what they are. I’ve had no concentration for anything heavy so I’m enjoying the blood and guts and in-fighting of the factions with a bit of romance thrown in for good measure! Only another two to go in the series of nine I think it is. Devoured them in Ireland and have slowed down since. Getting back to blog reading.
If you’re interested in the classics you should check out Thomas Hardy if you haven’t already. His stuff’s really enjoyable and free to download on kindle. Score!
The Mayor of Casterbridge?
You’d love Flashman with your sense of humor!! Long live poltroonery!