Full of Myself circa 2014

Well……?

It’s officially 2014.

PFFFTTT!

I don’t feel any different.

I am much handsomer than yesterday, but that is a daily occurrence and I am no longer surprised.

I have come to accept the fact that my beauty and ego have no bounds.

I wonder how much more awesome I will become this year?

Up to this point in my life I never expected to ……wait…..

Of course I expected to be more awesomer.

I am going into this New Year with a more positive attitude than I already have.

This is much more difficult than you meager peasants may think, since when you abide on the level of perfection that I do…. I must admit, in my awesomer humble opinion, that it is something of a job to perfect perfection.

I have decided that I will tackle each problem that arises this year with tact, fervor and the best lawyers money can buy.

I have decided that I am in an all out war with Starbucks and that under my inspired leadership, occasional muggings and compromising photo’s of Starbucks corporate heads, I will be able to lower their prices and create my own recipe. I will call it “Mocha Trey Latte’ with a double shot of AWESOME.

It will also come with either a Bagel or Croissant.

See….it’s already started to get awesomer. I spelled ‘Croissant’ without spell-check.

Hmmmm……I may have to get a grip on this awesome explosion thingee…..

At this rate I will burst into bubbles and rainbows.

I have decided to allow the Smithsonian and Mayo Clinic to study me…..For an obnoxious fee.

They contacted me after they received my investigations and self-diagnosis of Narcissistic Paranoid Hypochondrial Nymphomania with Schizoid tendencies.

Its cutting edge science they said…..

I have also submitted a paper to the Joyeuse Encyclopédie Anecdotique de la Gastronomie explaining that Baloney sammiches are the perfect food……as long as there is a zesty garlic dill pickle on the side….

Mmmmm….

Okay….So I woke up in a fantasy world this morning.

But that’s okay. I visit there frequently.

In this world that I have created I am the king.

I go there when times are tough or when I just need some time to sort things out.

I always return to this awake place in a much better humor and with a better outlook.

In my mind, I am perfect.

In my mind, I know no defeat.

In my mind, all things are possible.

In my mind, what can be dreamed up can be created.

In my mind, there is a big door that keeps out all bad things.

Of course I can hear the bad things on the other side of the door, but my door gives me all the time I need to regain my strength and prepare my own strategy for counter-attacks.

In my mind, I am the slayer of bad things.

So do yourself a solid and visit your fantasy worlds a little more frequently this year.

You can make it anything you want…..

I made mine AWESOME…….